omg lessons

trying to be helpful, i've written (and continue to write) a series that consists/will consist of 100 writings, what i call the 'omg lessons'. mostly written for newbie male subs and female dominants, it's for those who are still figuring things out...or thinking kink and f/m relationships are a foreign country that they don't know how to navigate. from male s-type safety, to making yourself a great submissive partner, to setting up scenes for kinky play, i write my lessons to help others while documenting my own experiences as a female dominant.  omg lesson#1: how to approach/write to a non pro domme online omg lesson#2: the male submissive online profile omg lesson#3: why i can't fix the cluelessness of the newbie male submissive omg lesson#4: the do me sub (or men who ruin it for actual male submissives) omg lesson#5: how to be the bestest male submissive ever omg lesson #6: male submissive safety omg lesson#7: considerations for those new to bdsm/kinky play ...

first off, i'm going to preface this by saying this is my opinion and my opinion only. i didn't consult with the domme collective and they have neither authorized nor sanctioned this advice. hell, they don't even know i'm writing this so don't tell them... i tend to get a lot of messages. not a lot, a lot but enough that i have replied to my fair share of "applicants". i am not actively looking for a sub play partner but if i was...and in response to the submissive men who keep asking, "how do i approach/write/reach out to a domme?", i'm going to give you a little advice on how you might craft a first message to me. but don't actually do it. cause i'm not looking. instead, use this advice for those that indicate they are looking. ok? you only have one, just one, opportunity to make a good first impression. don't blow it. think with your big head and not your little one. hold your over-eager, enthusiastic, excited little self bac...

ok, i'm not going to lie. the male submissive profile is often considered a wasteland of question marks, porn dialogue and hot air. we dommes complain about it often (you know, at the domme borg collective meetings that don't exist and are ultra top secret....) we also complain about the male submissive photo galleries or online dating profile pix. b/c once you see a dick pic, all you think is, 'this one's a dick'. and move on. sad really. i often wonder about the untapped potential there, though. if you just presented your profile as if you actually liked yourself and were attractive and desirable as a mate/play partner/etc. you might actually get some mileage out of your profile. how does one do that, you ask? oh sit down, and let me tell you the ways... 1) put some care into choosing your dating handle. if it's graphic, porny, or otherwise offensive and designed to be so, you can bet...it's going to offend a lot of women. it's the first impression you...

no one comes to kink knowing all the answers or how to do this stuff. so i can often feel compassion for the newbie male sub, finding his way and picking through porn that has fuelled fantasies which he's not been able to explore in real life. and i kinda think, patience. a little understanding. a little gentle nudge here and there, might help them navigate the kink waters a little better. but i'm beginning to lose my shit with the "cluelessness". getting worn down. getting frustrated. quite frankly, getting angry . and that bothered me. b/c that's not me. i like to mentor. i like to help. i like to empower. i like to fix things. so i've been on a little road of self reflection about my inability to make a difference anymore. and then i came across a post by @MsVerijaa. she has oodles of experience and tends to be really practical about kinky people on both sides of the slash. it goes without saying, i respect her and take the time to read what she writes even...

i know that many female dominants complain of the "do me" sub: that special brand of kinky male who invades the inboxes of female dominants with alarming frequency and expresses exactly and often in great detail, how they'd like us to dispense all their fetishes and kinks. and entirely miss the point about being, you know, submissive to a domme. i don't think there's a discussion in any of the femdom groups that i'm a member of, that goes by where the 'do me sub' isn't referenced at some point. they are ubiquitous...wherever male subs and female doms gather, they are there, rearing their heads and telling us how it should all be. my first hand experiences used to frustrate me and now are simply distasteful and ugly. first off, there are no stepford dommes that look and sound like your porntastic fantasies...except in porn. or they're going to cost you a pretty penny. secondly, dominants are people first. they don't actually sit idly by wai...

i read a lot of posts from male s-types who are without a dominant but want to know what they can work on to be the best sub ever or to make them more attractive as a submissive to a female dom. first off, forget about being the best submissive for every domme b/c that doesn't exist. every dominant is going to want different things from their subs. some will want sexual stuff. some will want anticipatory service. some will hate all of that. some will want pretty eye candy they can objectify. some will hate subs with beards. some will want a romantic partner. some will want just a play partner. there is no one universal set of criteria that will make you please every domme. and that's ok. instead, for today's lesson, i'd like to focus on you as a person and as a submissive. what can you do to be more attractive as a submissive partner? and here, i'm focusing on the partner bit b/c there are some things that every good partner should consider developing (if they aren...

allow me to set the scene. you're a man looking for his first or maybe second opportunity to play with a dominant. you've been chatting online and the messages have been such a turn on. and now, you've arranged to meet. you can't wait. you are physically thrumming with anticipation. this is going to be good. soooo good . you can't wait. you've agreed to all the requirements b/c you are so damn excited. ooohhh yes. you are kneeling and waiting at the appointed hour by the door. you've put on the blindfold and gag and cuffs just as instructed on the last email you received. you can barely contain yourself as you kneel and wait. you hear the door open. you can't say anything b/c of the gag but you try to mumble, "hello mistress". it comes out something like "rrrmmhmmss". no matter. she knows what you mean. you feel her hands on yours, checking the wrist restraints are good and tight and that you can't get out. she checks the gag to m...

you may have seen the questions and asks in various online groups: 'how do i train to be a good submissive?' or, the more ubiquitous, 'i'm looking for someone to train me to be a good submissive'. now some of those men are sincerely asking. are genuinely clueless. have heard about some mythical training and are seeking help. some are straight out wankers but i'm going to ignore those and try to help the ones who don't actually know. there is NO standard or recognized training program to be submissive. 'training' is just a kink. something fun and playful you and your partner can do. no kink shaming here. just a thing you might call a thing, to give it some more oomph . give it the right mental 'feel' that makes something seem 'hot' or 'arousing'. 'training' is not actually necessary to call yourself submissive. you didn't have to present a uni degree or certificate to select 'submissive' as an identifier did...

recently, in a femdom group, i came across a question from a domme asking about s-type men's motivation for posting dick pix and most specifically dick pic avatars. several men responded with something similar to this poster: "Sadly it's the best we can do. Most folks here don't want to post face pics (for obvious reasons), and so are left with few options." seriously?!?!? what. the. fuck? sadly, i think plenty of men with the dick pix really believe this. and sure, you can believe whatever you'd like. you can post dick pic as avatars all the live long day on some sites b/c it's within their terms of reference. no one, i think, is saying you can't. the question is more why would you, if your intention is to attract a woman? if there are men that really feel that's the best they've got or that's the only option (other than a face pic), ok. that tells a woman that the men in question, lack: any level of creativity; the ability to think; the a...

first off, you know that fetlife is not a dating site, hook up site or whatever. it's the kinky facebook and so there are oodles of people who are on fet who don't want to fuck you, play with you, or have anything to do with you, right? and b/c you've accepted this reality, you're not one of the those twatwaffles who spams every profile you see of someone who labels as your ideal whatever. b/c you're not into negging, cajoling, or spamming and being a disrespectful asshat. right? glad to hear it. and i too, have accepted the reality that b/c classifieds are allowed on fetlife, some people, may in fact, meet a play partner, someone to fuck, date, hook up with or whatever on the site. more like resigned myself to this but let's not argue semantics, ok? and it's part of the reason i left - the demanding, insistent, relentless fuckbois, misogyny, and racism turned me off and away.  anyhoo, i used to be in a few groups on there and have seen some real idiotic dri...

if it were possible for the eyes to roll to the back of my head, they actually would every time i read the word alpha or beta shit on a fetlife post, profile or thread. if you want me to dismiss you, then by all means, use those terms. if you don't mind me (and many other dominant women) seeing you as stupid or buying into pop psych or not knowing fuck all about people, then please, as you were. if you like when people think you're a fuckstick in a casual offhand way, keep on truckin' with your alpha and beta terminology. however, if you genuinely want to ask, 'but why smg are those terms not appropriate to use?'  the thing is,  words do mean things . we no longer draw pictures on cave walls to communicate with one another. we talk. we write. and the words we use all tell people about what we think of ourselves and the world around us. you can use whatever words you wish - i'm not here to censor you - but the words you use will dictate how others see you. how th...

i have read, more often than i care to think about, all the excuses in the book about why people can't find a kinky partner. now, mind you, it's most s-type men whining about finding a domme b/c, well, i'm a domme and i've spent my fair share of time on online femdom groups. and the excuses are fairly predictable. there's anxiety, social awkwardness (check out lesson#10 ), shame, not knowing how to go about it, and the lack of self awareness. all of those things can be addressed if you want to. they do require work on the part of the individual but if you've read some of my earlier lessons, there's some strategies, some helpful hints and some tools you can employ to help move past some of this stuff . if you're willing to do the work, you can invite good things into your life. but lord love a duck. the penchant that people have for telling me how busy they are and how they can't possibly find the time, money, energy to go about socializing with kinky...