omg lessons

trying to be helpful, i've written (and continue to write) a series that consists/will consist of 100 writings, what i call the 'omg lessons'. mostly written for newbie male subs and female dominants, it's for those who are still figuring things out...or thinking kink and f/m relationships are a foreign country that they don't know how to navigate. from male s-type safety, to making yourself a great submissive partner, to setting up scenes for kinky play, i write my lessons to help others while documenting my own experiences as a female dominant.  omg lesson#1: how to approach/write to a non pro domme online omg lesson#2: the male submissive online profile omg lesson#3: why i can't fix the cluelessness of the newbie male submissive omg lesson#4: the do me sub (or men who ruin it for actual male submissives) omg lesson#5: how to be the bestest male submissive ever omg lesson #6: male submissive safety omg lesson#7: considerations for those new to bdsm/kinky play ...

now i do wish i could take credit for this lesson but alas, no. this was a comment made by @RunningTheShow (on fetlife) which was so articulate and so spot on, i asked if she would consider making it a writing so i could post it as a helpful link. she invited me to use the comment, instead, as i wished. so full credit to her for the following: many male subs come to fetlife thinking 'being online' takes the pressure off (meeting a domme). if i could get one piece of information out there to male subs it would be this: a shockingly high percentage of you are really bad at online interaction. you gravitate to the scammers and fin dommes because they talk dirty to you just like the pornos do. then you cry about how there are no lifestyle dommes. most of you seem totally unable to discern between a woman with compatible interests and a person who is scamming or selling sex. chasing every prostitute and pornographer account all over fet is a sign that you're in frenzy and not us...

recently, in a femdom group, i came across a question from a domme asking about s-type men's motivation for posting dick pix and most specifically dick pic avatars. several men responded with something similar to this poster: "Sadly it's the best we can do. Most folks here don't want to post face pics (for obvious reasons), and so are left with few options." seriously?!?!? what. the. fuck? sadly, i think plenty of men with the dick pix really believe this. and sure, you can believe whatever you'd like. you can post dick pic as avatars all the live long day on some sites b/c it's within their terms of reference. no one, i think, is saying you can't. the question is more why would you, if your intention is to attract a woman? if there are men that really feel that's the best they've got or that's the only option (other than a face pic), ok. that tells a woman that the men in question, lack: any level of creativity; the ability to think; the a...

now if you think back, was there ever a time you played catch? you know, someone throws you a ball, you catch it, and then throw it back? this is the perfect analogy for an online conversation. you've got to throw the first message and have something in there that: makes someone want to play catch with you; if they do decide to play, they have something to throw back; and you keep up the momentum by catching (reading the message) and throwing it back (responding by asking some questions). honestly, an online conversation is really as basic as that. keep in mind, since it's online, people can't see your body language, hear your tone, see you smile or frown. since you're limited to words on a screen, you have to really put all your energies into making those words work for you . first off, know when to private message someone (lesson#) . if you're approaching a domme on fet, i also have some more specific suggestions on writing a first message ( lesson#1 ). so say you...

i'm going to let you in on a little secret. it's not a well kept secret but it seems kind of like the caramilk secret...people think it's still a big mystery. and i think it needs dispelling. so here goes: if you want to pm someone, read their profile. in its entirety. is it too long for you to read? then don't send them a pm. chances are you are going to piss them off. at best, you will get no response, at worst, you'll get a scathing message that encompasses all of their frustration at what you and probably a dozen people (likely men) before you that week, tried to do, which is randomly pm them without reading their profile. once you've read their profile, let me break down some of the basics for you... if they say, "i am not looking for x, y, and z" and you are looking for x, y, and z, do not pm them asking if they are interested in what they already told you they are not looking for. if they say they are not looking for a partner as they already ha...

there's more than just your written 'about me' to a profile that some people check out. actually a lot of the female identifying people might pay attention to the entire profile and it's worth keeping in mind. i know it appears people don't even read profiles but i can assure you that as a dominant woman, who talks to her domme friends, we absolutely read the profiles when we're looking/seeking. and we skim more than just the 'about me' part of the profile. as women, we've got our safety in mind so we're checking out the men that might catch our fancy and the first start to that checking you out, is looking at what your entire profile tells us about you.  so there's your 'about me', fetish lists, and the picture gallery which i've written about and given advice about already in lesson#2 . there's also a few other elements you might want to consider what they say about you: groups:  your group choices are listed on your profi...

bloody hell, i have resisted writing this lesson for ages and ages. but i've been worn down. the question comes up relentlessly and i'm tired of answering it in post after post. i'm now just going to link to this lesson. if you've decided you're going to focus all your efforts on using fetlife to find a domme, i gotta say, the odds are against you. not b/c of some fucking ratio nonsense or anything like that. dating is hard. finding a compatible partner is harder. finding a compatible kinky partner is hardest. this should not come as a surprise. and wading through kinky waters...well the pool is that much smaller. kinky people make up anywhere from 10-33% of the general population. and within that small kinky pool, there's a hell of a lot of kinds of kink and not everyone practices d/s and for those that do, it skews heavily to male doms/female subs. so understand the context. i, for one, would not limit myself solely to fet. i would peek under every rock, join ...