omg lessons

trying to be helpful, i've written (and continue to write) a series that consists/will consist of 100 writings, what i call the 'omg lessons'. mostly written for newbie male subs and female dominants, it's for those who are still figuring things out...or thinking kink and f/m relationships are a foreign country that they don't know how to navigate. from male s-type safety, to making yourself a great submissive partner, to setting up scenes for kinky play, i write my lessons to help others while documenting my own experiences as a female dominant.  omg lesson#1: how to approach/write to a non pro domme online omg lesson#2: the male submissive online profile omg lesson#3: why i can't fix the cluelessness of the newbie male submissive omg lesson#4: the do me sub (or men who ruin it for actual male submissives) omg lesson#5: how to be the bestest male submissive ever omg lesson #6: male submissive safety omg lesson#7: considerations for those new to bdsm/kinky play ...

first off, this lesson is brought to you courtesy of @jackburden (on fetlife) who did all the research/ legwork on this. but since he's a bit shy, he offered all his work to me to add to my omg lessons. i don't know this young man in person, but he's awfully lovely when we message each other. just sayin'... now why do all the good single subs live so far away from me?!!?!?!? sigh but i digress...on to the lesson.... this could be considered part 2 of omg lesson#72: fetish wear for boys but the focus is really on underwear and more intimate apparel so really it deserved its own title. imho. men, boys, dudes, bros - you really need to up your underwear game. worn, torn, barely there, and gear with holes in them are not attractive. and i'm not even going to talk about cleanliness b/c that should go without saying. particularly if you're planning on bottoming or any public kinky play, you ought to plan to have some nice underwear, ok? now in @jackburden's words...

so you're taking the plunge and want to attend your first ever kink event. the nerves! the anxiety! the excitement! the anticipation! let's do this... first understand that all events and all communities do not all work the exact same way. there are always some peculiarities  and idiosyncrasies from generally accepted practice and i always suggest hitting up an event organizer prior to an event to ask any questions you have that are not answered in the event description. the following is simply a list of tips and tricks to help you out and help ease your entry, whether it's a munch/slosh, a play party, workshop/demo, convention, discussion group or rope night. 1. people who show up at events are just everyday average people. no better or worse than anyone else. they may still be judgemental as fuck; they could be conservative, traditional, liberal, open minded, close minded, religious, atheist, and whatever else you find in the world around you. just b/c they are kinky does...

listen, i'm a patient person. i may not have social anxiety, but i get it's a thing. i have friends who try to explain it to me. and i know the extreme efforts they go to, in order to overcome that anxiety and go to events. some even take medication to do it. i am always so impressed that they show up, just to socialize, b/c that's the way to meet kinky people and potentially a partner. but there's still no guarantee and they still continue to get out there. they do not whine endlessly about how a partner is not agreeing to meet them on their terms b/c of their social anxiety or shyness. b/c they understand life is not all about them. what i keep hearing from so many submissive men is they will only, maybe consider an event, if they can for sure meet dommes only. where the dommes at? the most oft quoted reason for being so deliberate about the events they would attend? b/c 'anxiety/shy' and couldn't possibly go to events to meet kinky people of all types. i...

the meeting yes, i'm a dominant. and i like submissive men. i seek them out as romantic partners or kinky play partners. but i look for more than just a submissive man. i look for men i like on a personal level cause they are articulate, intelligent, witty and fun. they are in essence, a person that is likeable to me. and what's likeable to me isn't the same for everyone else. that's why searching for compatibility is such a big deal. with me so far? so when submissive men contact dominant women b/c they enjoy similar kinks...that is not enough to get you in the door. i repeat, being submissive and sharing a set of kinks with a dominant is NOT ENOUGH to get you in the door. unless you're willing to pay . then all bets are off and look for those dominants who are interested in tribute and will be happy to indulge in some of your kinks and quirks. but i'm not one of those dominants. just so we're clear. ok? glad we got that out of the way. if you're still ...

bloody hell, i have resisted writing this lesson for ages and ages. but i've been worn down. the question comes up relentlessly and i'm tired of answering it in post after post. i'm now just going to link to this lesson. if you've decided you're going to focus all your efforts on using fetlife to find a domme, i gotta say, the odds are against you. not b/c of some fucking ratio nonsense or anything like that. dating is hard. finding a compatible partner is harder. finding a compatible kinky partner is hardest. this should not come as a surprise. and wading through kinky waters...well the pool is that much smaller. kinky people make up anywhere from 10-33% of the general population. and within that small kinky pool, there's a hell of a lot of kinds of kink and not everyone practices d/s and for those that do, it skews heavily to male doms/female subs. so understand the context. i, for one, would not limit myself solely to fet. i would peek under every rock, join ...