omg lessons

trying to be helpful, i've written (and continue to write) a series that consists/will consist of 100 writings, what i call the 'omg lessons'. mostly written for newbie male subs and female dominants, it's for those who are still figuring things out...or thinking kink and f/m relationships are a foreign country that they don't know how to navigate. from male s-type safety, to making yourself a great submissive partner, to setting up scenes for kinky play, i write my lessons to help others while documenting my own experiences as a female dominant.  omg lesson#1: how to approach/write to a non pro domme online omg lesson#2: the male submissive online profile omg lesson#3: why i can't fix the cluelessness of the newbie male submissive omg lesson#4: the do me sub (or men who ruin it for actual male submissives) omg lesson#5: how to be the bestest male submissive ever omg lesson #6: male submissive safety omg lesson#7: considerations for those new to bdsm/kinky play ...

there is a philosophy in kinkville that a good dom/me can't truly be a good dominant unless they've been a submissive first. from what i understand, this idea originates from "putting yourself in another's shoes" and being able to truly understand what it means to submit; to understand the trust and responsibility a sub places in the hands of a dominant; and to understand the "feeling" of submission. in theory, that makes sense. and for those that have taken that journey and felt that submitting has made them a better dominant, that's great. i wouldn't dispute another's experience. we all come to kink in a myriad of ways and we evolve as people (both vanilla and kink) differently. i just disagree with the notion that if one doesn't submit, one can't be a good dom/me. and here's why. being submissive is not just "bottoming" for a certain kind of play. if i consent to being flogged or caned or being led by a leash, that do...

some days, i am so fucking tired of being dismissed, being considered 'wrong', having my experiences invalidated, for simply being a woman. it happens more often than sometimes i even realize, in vanilla land. and i think the exhaustion grows the older i get. b/c at this point, with decades under my belt, nothing has changed. and it's a long weary road. i feel like i'm always fighting this. fighting to be heard. fighting for the right to voice an opinion. fighting to be considered as person. fighting to be seen as valid. valued. just fighting. all the damn time. and i can't fight the way men get to fight.   b/c that will get me even less heard and less acknowledged and even more dismissed than i am already. i have to use softer words. gentler words. kinder words. more reasoned words. don't be harsh, smg. don't be overly aggressive, smg. don't say what you're really thinking, smg. hold back, smg. don't be a bitch, smg. egos are fragile, smg. peopl...

so i was joshing (is, too, a word!) with a dude on here about some general silliness and i mentioned something that i'm weak about. in that, you know, i sometimes give in to temptation. like chocolate. i'm totally weak when it comes to good chocolate. and i'm not ashamed to admit it. anyway, this dude, kindly pointed out that a certain domly dom of the gorean borg collective would never let someone, who admitted a weakness, ever live such an admission down. which got me thinking... don't we all have weaknesses? i mean, it's a strength of character and an honest and true reflection on oneself to recognize and admit one's failings and personal weaknesses. after all, you can't work on something if you can't admit it needs work, right? or maybe you need to be careful about it. weak spots need to be protected b/c they make you vulnerable. even superheroes had weaknesses in the comic books. superman had his kryponite. wonderwoman could be fucked up by tying he...

now, i will admit that i am pretty ignorant about porn as i haven't actually watched any. i have, however, as a result of being online and having been on fetlife, been exposed to ( exposed being the operative word here) many porn images so there's that. and between the discussions i read and the images i see online, i think i have a pretty good idea of what porn actually consists of and therefore, feel comfortable being able to compare myself to the porn you might be consuming. now, you may be asking, 'why is it important that i know the difference between a porn domme and you, smg?' or alternatively, 'i already know the differences between a porn domme and you, smg. those are obvious.' hey, if you're in the latter camp - awesome. you are not approaching me or other women online as a wanker or fantasist then, and i believe that women online would be appreciative of the way you go about running your online (and fet) experience. you, my little grasshopper, ar...

i know, i know, i'm a dominant and thus, i am the most perfect, virtuous being on the planet earth. i poo fairy dust and fart glitter and always smell of honey or vanilla. yes, my powers are legendary and far reaching. now if you believe all that, i have some land in the maldives that you might be interested in. you have to act now , though :) seriously, i'm just a human being. who happens to like to be the dominant in my relationships. that's it. that's all. the title of dominant, master, or whatever does not convey upon me goddess like powers. i mean, i wish it did. that would be super awesome. i'd like invisibility first, xray vision, super human strength and then maybe the flying thing. but alas, i'm just a mere bloody mortal. sad, really. but no less true. however, that's not to say that for the right person, i wouldn't like to be seen as a little perfect. a little awe inspiring. a little fearsome. a little devotion, placed in the right quarter, wo...

well, of course you already know this, right? no one is. it's one of those superpowers reserved for comic book heroes and supernatural fiction aficionados. so you know this...and still you think that i can read your mind about what you want, what you desire and what you're hoping i'll do b/c i'm dominant? why do you do this? it happens. a lot. and thus, i feel it's important to clear something up right now (and will reserve the right to refer to it in other lessons.) dominant does not = omniscient. oh, what does omnisicient mean, you might ask? it simply means 'all knowing'. and i cannot tell you the number of submissive men who approach me with the idea that being dominant somehow means i'm omniscient. and though i dearly wish i was...i am not. no dominant is. even if they say they are. i mean there's fantasy and then there's delusion. it's good to know the difference. yes? just nod your head. there's a good boy :) anyhoo, just b/c one...

apparently, i am doing kink wrong as a female.  i thought all us kinksters were outliers in some way but apparently, i'm the outlier of outliers. for instance: 1. i'm a female dominant. what the ever loving fuck? aren't all females submissive? i mean as some kind of biological or sociological conditioning? who do i think i am? calling myself a dominant. for fuck sakes. that's just wrong to sooo and kinky people around the world are closing their ears and shaking their heads. i get that reaction a lot online. i read that a lot online. i get quite a few male dominants telling me i just 'haven't found the right man to submit to'. ha ha. i guess their fragile little egos can't handle the idea of a female being a dominant. however, i'm still a dominant and female so i guess i don't fit the kink mould. oh well. tough shit. 2. i'm sexually monogamous. monogamy is socially conditioned and once you break free of societal expectations and evolve, you...

not to wear, silly. to put one on a willing sub. to watch them squirm and their eyes widen and their anticipation of a gag being placed over their mouth. it is, for me, part and parcel of bondage play and well, most play, to be honest. it keeps the screaming down, muffles any potentially bratty comments and let's me play without worrying about the neighbours hearing what i might be up to. with all that, what's not to love about using gags? now i can appreciate not everyone likes gags. and they do need to be used safely b/c they do constrict breathing in some ways and you do need to know a little about what you're doing. so here's the quick run down on gags. feel free to add more safety tips and info you have about gags in the comments! i'm no authority and while i've done research and have learned through experience, one can never know everything. 1. what is a gag? gags are simply things that fit over and into the mouth to muffle a person from speaking clearly. ...

don't ever slap me in the face. i have been slapped as a child and i hated it. and it's amazing that i didn't suffer brain damage or other shit b/c face slapping is fucking dangerous. however, my childhood trauma does not seem to have affected my desire to slap other people in the face . if someone will consent to let me (ooh yes, please!) it is a surprisingly delightful and intimate experience. now i wouldn't say you could pull off a whole scene of just face slapping. you could probably do a whole scene with impact, torture and pain to the face and head, however. mmm....i need to think about that some more. but i digress... face slapping is on a lot of people's hard limits. and that's cool. for good reason. i totally understand ( see my opening line ). and it can be hard to hide: unless you go around wearing a burka, any marks, bruises, and so on are going to be visible and you may have to explain them somehow. tricksy tricksy. and there's delicate bits lik...

i get it. it touches you in the all the warm feel good places. but keep in mind a few things, ok? female supremacy is largely a male kink. i know, seems counterintuitive, right? lots of women are feminists or egalitarians which means they are simply looking for equality. there are some women who are into inequality in different ways - either being 'put in their place' or being treated inferior to men as the weaker sex - or as superior to men and wanting to replace the patriarchy with the female version of said system (hint: that's not a matriarchy). but the ones looking to differentiate the sexes in extreme ways - either as inferior or superior - tend to be the minority. observationally, what i've noticed online is the men into female supremacy are also raging misogynists. and...i find many of the women who purport to be female supremacists, again observationally speaking, tend to be raging misandrists or they're catering to their male clients and are listed as pay ...

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i've seen many an exchange like this: female dominant: it's pretty easy to tell the difference between a lifestyle domme profile, fin domme profile, a pro domme profile and a scammer profile.... male submissive: no it's not! really? b/c it always seems blatantly obvious to me what a legit fin or pro domme profile looks like, what a scammer's looks like and what a lifestyle domme profile looks like (exception: blank profiles since they tell you nothing). but men often are fooled or taken in. i've read more than a few posts/rants by men, quite upset that they feel they've been taken advantage of/or feel pressured to pay tributes. and they get mad at all dominant women. i would suggest both lesson#  67  and  68  would be good to read b/c it's helpful to work your head around some of these things and besides, reading is sexy. reading to learn and teach yourself is sexier. just sayin'... anyhoo, in the interests of helping those who can't tell, here are t...

i'm going to start off with: there is nothing inherently wrong in seeking and wanting an online only play relationship. if that's what you're after and most comfortable with, seek a compatible partner and have at 'er. what i want to talk about here, is why there are so few female dominants into it which makes it hard to find, and of course, the pitfalls to be aware of when seeking an online only play relationship b/c a lesson should always have some good takeaways...imho. online only play relationships are basically role play - and really if you're not ready/interested in doing anything other than role play - it's better that you stay online instead of misleading someone who is looking for something in-person. the end result is that it tends to be more of the male getting sexy stuff to do that gives them something to wank to, while it can quickly become boring and a lot of work for a female - to keep up the creativity and an ever growing rolodex of kinky ideas a...

for the quintessential do me sub a reputable pro dominant can be one of the most worthwhile bdsm experiences he/she may get in the early stages of their kink journey. hell, at any stage of their kink journey. but it's not just for the do me sub. it can be for any submissive or bottom (and i've known a few who have actually truly appreciated what they learned from their pro domme sessions.) now i will stress, you want a reputable pro domme so select carefully - check out their website, ask them for references, and check out their reviews. and also ask around kinkland since many pro dommes will attend bigger parties and conferences, too.  someone who's going to play safe and has honed her skills in the areas that you are most interested in exploring. references are good. vetting is good. select a good service cause it's your body , you're talking about. you'd kind like to keep it intact for future kinky fun, right? i know pro dommes get a bad rap b/c omigosh...th...