omg lesson#38: dominants are not mind readers

well, of course you already know this, right? no one is. it's one of those superpowers reserved for comic book heroes and supernatural fiction aficionados.

so you know this...and still you think that i can read your mind about what you want, what you desire and what you're hoping i'll do b/c i'm dominant? why do you do this? it happens. a lot. and thus, i feel it's important to clear something up right now (and will reserve the right to refer to it in other lessons.)

dominant does not = omniscient.

oh, what does omnisicient mean, you might ask? it simply means 'all knowing'. and i cannot tell you the number of submissive men who approach me with the idea that being dominant somehow means i'm omniscient. and though i dearly wish i was...i am not. no dominant is. even if they say they are. i mean there's fantasy and then there's delusion. it's good to know the difference. yes?

just nod your head. there's a good boy :)

anyhoo, just b/c one wants authority, obedience, worship, whatever floats their boat doesn't mean they know what floats yours until they get to know you. and the way they get to know you is when you share. you open your mouth and form words that come from your brain. hopefully, the words that come out have been well thought out, well considered and don't sound stupid, idiotic, demanding, offensive, or wankery.

i often say be honest and authentic. but if your honest and authentic self is usually an asshat, well then, chances are no dominant is going to want to know what goes on in your mind - and not b/c they can read your mind or anything. they are reading your attitude and words to mean you're an asshat and they don't want to deal with you. now, you might be able to pay one to deal with your crap but even pro dommes have standards. just so you know...

so if you are an asshat, you might want to spend a bit of time on self reflection and try not to be that. it's a good thing for life...not just kink. just sayin'... back to communicating. b/c that's what we're really talking about.

a person who is interested in dominating you...is actually interested in you.

so tell them about yourself. they are asking about you for a reason. so share what you feel comfortable sharing about yourself. the things that make you human. the things that make you, you. not things that just make you kinky. all the things. you are more than just your kink, right? friends and family love you for other reasons than you like to get fucked up the ass with a strap on (for instance). so make a dominant aware of those things that make you loved, liked, appreciated, recognized in the vanilla world. chances are, when she learns to see you as a pretty cool human being, she might, you know, eventually want to fuck you up the ass with a strap on (for instance).

and then when she opens the conversation to kinky things...be upfront (without being demanding or drooling like an idiot) about the things you've liked; the things you've tried; the things that you're curious about. it's not where you start, my friend. it's the place you're led to. it means not being led by your penis. it's letting her apply the leash to your penis if and when she wants to. get it?

saying 'whatever you want', or 'whatever makes you happy' is not helpful or desirable in a new relationship. 

you're basically asking her to read your mind. stop that. as a dominant, what makes me happy and what i want is for us to both be happy, to both get what we want. and i can't know that without you telling me. b/c, like i said, i can't read your mind.

help a girl out here. she might want to then help you out. and i love a win/win situation....don't you?

Jan 2, 2019