omg lesson#76: when you shouldn't go to a munch
i regularly suggest munches to newbies who want to meet other kinksters, meet potential partners, and learn more about kink in practical real world terms (ie not porn). but i'm always really clear that they aren't meat markets. i explain they are social gatherings to connect and network.
however, in the interests of not inundating poor munch organizers with inappropriate fuckwads, i do think that some people should avoid munches - not just b/c they are basically pissing up a rope when they do - they are potentially messing up the experience for all the other munch attendees.
if you fall into any of the following categories, stay away from munches. like far, far away...
1. you just want to get laid and you heard kinky women were easy.
fuck off. you don't get it and likely will never get it. stick with tinder and adultfriendfinder.
2. you want to meet a domme and you intend to only go if there are dommes there.
fuck off. we can tell when a dude is sniffing around at just the dominant women. it's rude to the other guests. and rude is a turn off.
3. you plan to arrange some kinky little games in the washroom or under the table.
fuck off. it's hard enough for munch organizers to find venues that will accommodate munch needs without dealing with your boundary crossing/consent crossing bullshit. don't be that person.
4. you plan to hit on every young/old/big/petite/brunette/[insert preference for physical type] woman there.
don't bother. you'll seem like a creep. you'll look like a creep. and it's rude. remember what i said about turn offs?
5. you like to touch people without consent.
uh, you do get that the kink community really lasers in on consent, right? non consensual touching, hugging, and groping of any kind is a fucking no no. it should be a no no in any social situation, really. learn some self control.
6. you think that anyone you're interested in, should automatically be interested in you.
yeah, if you're attracted to someone at a munch when they obviously are there to chat with other people, don't try to monopolize them, block them from mingling, or otherwise constrain them from socializing with other people.
7. if you've checked out the rsvp list and want to surprise that person by showing up and doing #6.
first off, it's creepy as fuck. if you want to meet someone and you happen to see they are going to the munch, you could always message them beforehand and explain that you'd love to meet b/c x, y, and z and would they be open to you introducing yourself at the munch? otherwise, don't creep the rsvp list and then surprise people. dumb ass.
8. if you only want to meet cis het people.
either learn to get over your hetero normative attitude or wallow in your bigotry and ignorance and stay the fuck away from munches. we don't want you.
9. if you expect to be the centre of attention and welcomed by everyone just for showing up.
if the hosts don't know you're coming; if you think everyone will know that you're new and that you're shy/awkward, uh no. we're not mind readers. help us, help you. contact the hosts beforehand. introduce yourself at the table you sit at and explain you're new. give people a chance to welcome you.
10. if you expect to meet your perfect kink partner/match at your first munch.
do not come thirsty or desperate. if that's the only reason you plan on attending, don't. impatience will not serve you well. be open. be approachable. manage your expectations.
__________________
not all munches are created equal and not all have the same culture, flair, tone or warmth. i always suggest trying a couple and going at least 3 times to find your way. but to keep them the low key, low pressure events they usually are, it's best to keep the riff raff out. if you fall into any of the above, stay home, please. you'll just ruin it for others.
EDIT: and hey, while i spoke from my pov as a woman and a domme dealing with a certain kind of man...please know that i get that any gender can be an inappropriate, creepy, boundary crossing/consent crossing dumb ass. and that it's not just dommes that deal with this. you could be any side of the slash or on no side of the slash and just your garden variety kinkster. please feel free to insert the appropriate pronouns and appropriate labels to this list to make it work for you. this one just happens to work for me :)
Feb 13, 2020
Comments
Post a Comment