omg lesson #75: what the hell is a munch and why do i need to go?

i know you may have heard about them. you may have seen the term. but perhaps you were too shy to ask. or the term threw you off.

what is a munch?

a munch, in the kinky context, is a social gathering of kinky folk in a vanilla setting. there is no pressure to play or dress kinky. in fact, those things are usually not allowed so as not to call attention to the group. it can take place in a restaurant, or pub, or diner or bar. it really is, very vanilla looking to anyone not 'in the know'. and it's simply a chance for kinksters to meet and network with other kinky folk. it's more about getting to know people and having conversations than it is about kink, in and of itself. sure there might be conversations about kink. there may just as easily be conversations about video games, gardening, the local hockey team (yes, i'm canadian), or whatever any other people get together to chat about.

not every munch is created equal. not every munch has the same vibe, culture, or tolerance. it all depends on the organizers and how they plan and coordinate the munch and how they choose to run it. which means...it does pay to contact the organizers in advance...or ask another kinkster about what a particular munch is like beforehand. and...to try more than one munch b/c they can be very different.

why do i need to go to a munch?

well, you don't have to do anything. most people suggest a munch b/c:

• some people have no idea people like them exist and meeting others just like them can be reassuring, helpful, and validating. how kink can be in real life and how people incorporate it into their relationships.

• it's pretty low key - there's no play you have to know; no special kink rules of behaviour; nothing except to be social just like you would in vanilla land. in other words, you don't have to know anything about kink to attend.

• it's in a vanilla location and only the people attending know that fellow attendees are kinky. mutually assured destruction - if someone sees you there...they are kinky, too.

• it introduces you to folks who can introduce you to potential partners, sponsor you for parties, invite you to private events all the while learning more about what's available in your local kinky community that you might not find online.

• it can help you identify possible predators - you can ask about people in the community and about their reputation in real life.

but it's not the only way to meet kinksters and it's not the only way to socialize in kink. it is the easiest and most accessible in many cases. and that's why lots of kinksters suggest them. whether you choose to attend or not is completely up to you. there is another lesson you may want to check out that talks about other ways to get to know kinksters for play: #10: getting play when you're socially awkward.

what is a munch good for?

munches are great to network with local kinksters. meet like-minded people in real life. learn about your local kink community and what's on offer in terms of workshops, play parties, discussion groups and other events. it's great to make friends, asking kinky questions from real life folks who may have done the very things you are hoping to engage in.

it is NOT a meat market or a hook up event. so please don't treat it as such. you'll come across as a creep and people can read that desperation and dopey -ness from a mile away. don't develop that reputation. want to know more? when you shouldn't go to a munch. i mean, there are some people who shouldn't go to munch. if you meet any of the criteria in lesson#76, steer clear...

how to get the most out of your munch experience?

like in any social situation where some random people are getting together with one thing they all know they have in common, go in without huge expectations. don't put that kind of pressure on yourself. maybe go with 1-2 easily achievable goals (goals that will require some effort but not a herculean effort, ok?)

• show up presentable. not sure of the dress code? contact the organizers in advance and ask. but you know, clean up a bit. don't show up like a homeless dude who doesn't have access to clean running water.

• speaking of contacting the organizers, let them know beforehand you'd like to come out and would they consider introducing you to a couple of folks since you're new. if you don't get a reply back, try a different munch and a different set of organizers.

• show up as your politest best self. smile. no one says you have to be a chatty cathy. but don't sit in a corner and look like you're sulking or play on your phone the entire time. that doesn't invite anyone to get to know you. if you're shy, that's ok. you can listen without having to carry the conversation. but show interest in others. be engaged. be present.

• be open to talking to anyone - not just roles. so if you're looking for a domme, don't dismiss talking to a maledom or another sub or switch. connections are important in kink. socializing is important. be open to it all. you're just networking. and maybe learning, too.

• go to more than 1 munch. if you don't like the 'feel' of one, choose another. but give it a go at least 3-5 times. familiarity does help. and does make it easier. imho.

happy munching!

Dec 19, 2018