omg lessons

trying to be helpful, i've written (and continue to write) a series that consists/will consist of 100 writings, what i call the 'omg lessons'. mostly written for newbie male subs and female dominants, it's for those who are still figuring things out...or thinking kink and f/m relationships are a foreign country that they don't know how to navigate. from male s-type safety, to making yourself a great submissive partner, to setting up scenes for kinky play, i write my lessons to help others while documenting my own experiences as a female dominant.  omg lesson#1: how to approach/write to a non pro domme online omg lesson#2: the male submissive online profile omg lesson#3: why i can't fix the cluelessness of the newbie male submissive omg lesson#4: the do me sub (or men who ruin it for actual male submissives) omg lesson#5: how to be the bestest male submissive ever omg lesson #6: male submissive safety omg lesson#7: considerations for those new to bdsm/kinky play ...

so you're interested in bdsm or kink or some kind of fetish and are curious to try something. you don't know what that is and you may have watched some porn that turned you on and you're all excited and thrilled and anxious and unsure. that's ok. we all started somewhere, too. the thing is, there are plenty of things you can do to explore and there are some things that you should clear up for yourself before engaging too heavily into things without having some understanding of what it is you are getting into. what do you need to know? 1) consent is everything understand what consent is. if you don't, or are unsure, educate ourself on it and how it is applied to kink. this will help you: lesson#12 on consent. 2) safety safety safety understand that while you have stars in your eyes, the best advocate for keeping yourself safe, is you . other people are not responsible for keeping you safe. and given the dangerous aspects of kink (and there are many), understand what ...

i know you're thinking this sounds like a boring topic... but negotiation is probably at the root of getting allll the kinky play you want and maybe the play you didn't even know you wanted or was even possible. do it well? you'll likely have a memorable experience you'll want to repeat, revel and delight in, and brag about to all your kinky friends.  do it badly and you may never play again. it's a difficult subject b/c a simple lesson like this can get mired in the various ways that people like to negotiate and different communication styles. so i'm not going to tell you how to negotiate, per se. that's a pretty personal thing that you develop over time with experience and learn from others. what i am going to do is lay some of the basics down to keep in mind/remember. it's by no means a complete guide. but as a set of helpful tips and tricks, perhaps, just perhaps, it can tell the little head to STFU for a moment, so the big head can do the work on be...

first off, no one gets something for nothing. whether it's cold hard cash, an emotional investment, or putting yourself out there over and over again, it takes energy and effort to get what you want. things just don't 'land in your lap' or 'appear at your door' without some kind of action (or series of actions) on your part. secondly, many people understand that the various social aspects of kink (munches, play parties, conferences, dungeons, and the like) can be difficult to navigate, break into, and actually excel at. there is real social anxiety, social awkwardness, social fear...and i'm not trying to minimize that in any way. however, if you want to hide behind those fears, that awkwardness, that anxiety - that's your prerogative. it is a choice to do nothing. and you lose the right, imho, to complain how the fact that you do nothing, results in nothing. (and yes, posting an ad/profile on fetlife is basically doing nothing). if you don't get any...

not to wear, silly. to put one on a willing sub. to watch them squirm and their eyes widen and their anticipation of a gag being placed over their mouth. it is, for me, part and parcel of bondage play and well, most play, to be honest. it keeps the screaming down, muffles any potentially bratty comments and let's me play without worrying about the neighbours hearing what i might be up to. with all that, what's not to love about using gags? now i can appreciate not everyone likes gags. and they do need to be used safely b/c they do constrict breathing in some ways and you do need to know a little about what you're doing. so here's the quick run down on gags. feel free to add more safety tips and info you have about gags in the comments! i'm no authority and while i've done research and have learned through experience, one can never know everything. 1. what is a gag? gags are simply things that fit over and into the mouth to muffle a person from speaking clearly. ...

don't ever slap me in the face. i have been slapped as a child and i hated it. and it's amazing that i didn't suffer brain damage or other shit b/c face slapping is fucking dangerous. however, my childhood trauma does not seem to have affected my desire to slap other people in the face . if someone will consent to let me (ooh yes, please!) it is a surprisingly delightful and intimate experience. now i wouldn't say you could pull off a whole scene of just face slapping. you could probably do a whole scene with impact, torture and pain to the face and head, however. mmm....i need to think about that some more. but i digress... face slapping is on a lot of people's hard limits. and that's cool. for good reason. i totally understand ( see my opening line ). and it can be hard to hide: unless you go around wearing a burka, any marks, bruises, and so on are going to be visible and you may have to explain them somehow. tricksy tricksy. and there's delicate bits lik...

it all started when i saw a giant roll of bubble wrap...you know, the kind with the big bubbles and not the little bubbles? i love popping those things. i have, ever since i was a child and we got something in the mail with that lovely stuff wrapped inside. i remember my siblings and i getting all excited about the wrap (and not so much the actual, ahem.. contents of the package ) and my mother would dutifully dole out the scraps 'equally' so we could pop with wild abandon. and i remember her keeping a scrap for herself :) now being the impact player, that i am, i got to thinking about what toys might result in popping those bubbles if say, a person was wrapped in bubble wrap...what would it take? how hard could i hit? would the body cushion the bubbles too much and there would be no satisfying popping sounds? would the sounds of bubbles popping be just as satisfying with a little s&m thrown in?  thus, the idea of a scene was born.  not one of my typical intense scenes. i ...

i get it. it touches you in the all the warm feel good places. but keep in mind a few things, ok? female supremacy is largely a male kink. i know, seems counterintuitive, right? lots of women are feminists or egalitarians which means they are simply looking for equality. there are some women who are into inequality in different ways - either being 'put in their place' or being treated inferior to men as the weaker sex - or as superior to men and wanting to replace the patriarchy with the female version of said system (hint: that's not a matriarchy). but the ones looking to differentiate the sexes in extreme ways - either as inferior or superior - tend to be the minority. observationally, what i've noticed online is the men into female supremacy are also raging misogynists. and...i find many of the women who purport to be female supremacists, again observationally speaking, tend to be raging misandrists or they're catering to their male clients and are listed as pay ...

kinky play can be a fantastic aspect of a relationship. there's oodles of ways you can play...it's just a matter of your imagination and what you've got available and on hand. but kinky play is not a 24/7 endeavour. 1. no one, NO ONE, can play 24/7. it's lovely to fantasize about, don't get me wrong. but it's not realistic. can you have sex 24/7 in your relationships? think about it. as much as i am fond of that thought, i know that i can't. i might want to. i might really really want to. but i can't. and there's nothing wrong with wanting it 24/7...as long as you know that it's not practical and you don't hinge your entire ask in a relationship around that. you and i are realists. well i am and you need to get on board with what i'm saying here. b/c being unreasonable is not the way to maintain a healthy relationship. just sayin'...  2. the second thing you need to realize, if you haven't already, is that as fun as play time can ...

i've seen many an exchange like this: female dominant: it's pretty easy to tell the difference between a lifestyle domme profile, fin domme profile, a pro domme profile and a scammer profile.... male submissive: no it's not! really? b/c it always seems blatantly obvious to me what a legit fin or pro domme profile looks like, what a scammer's looks like and what a lifestyle domme profile looks like (exception: blank profiles since they tell you nothing). but men often are fooled or taken in. i've read more than a few posts/rants by men, quite upset that they feel they've been taken advantage of/or feel pressured to pay tributes. and they get mad at all dominant women. i would suggest both lesson#  67  and  68  would be good to read b/c it's helpful to work your head around some of these things and besides, reading is sexy. reading to learn and teach yourself is sexier. just sayin'... anyhoo, in the interests of helping those who can't tell, here are t...

i'm going to start off with: there is nothing inherently wrong in seeking and wanting an online only play relationship. if that's what you're after and most comfortable with, seek a compatible partner and have at 'er. what i want to talk about here, is why there are so few female dominants into it which makes it hard to find, and of course, the pitfalls to be aware of when seeking an online only play relationship b/c a lesson should always have some good takeaways...imho. online only play relationships are basically role play - and really if you're not ready/interested in doing anything other than role play - it's better that you stay online instead of misleading someone who is looking for something in-person. the end result is that it tends to be more of the male getting sexy stuff to do that gives them something to wank to, while it can quickly become boring and a lot of work for a female - to keep up the creativity and an ever growing rolodex of kinky ideas a...