omg lessons

first off, you know that fetlife is not a dating site, hook up site or whatever. it's the kinky facebook and so there are oodles of people who are on fet who don't want to fuck you, play with you, or have anything to do with you, right? and b/c you've accepted this reality, you're not one of the those twatwaffles who spams every profile you see of someone who labels as your ideal whatever. b/c you're not into negging, cajoling, or spamming and being a disrespectful asshat. right? glad to hear it. and i too, have accepted the reality that b/c classifieds are allowed on fetlife, some people, may in fact, meet a play partner, someone to fuck, date, hook up with or whatever on the site. more like resigned myself to this but let's not argue semantics, ok? and it's part of the reason i left - the demanding, insistent, relentless fuckbois, misogyny, and racism turned me off and away.  anyhoo, i used to be in a few groups on there and have seen some real idiotic dri...

so you've discovered online chat groups like those on fetlife, discussing non fiction, real world femdom topics. wonderful! there's a wealth of info in groups and you can learn so much by actively engaging with others in this space. you can get noticed . gain a little cache on a particular site, even. and if you play your cards right, make a few new friends.  there's a few basics we should cover cause i've seen it done badly and i've seen it done well. heck, when i first started, i stumbled a bit and would have liked a bit of how to guide myself. instead, i learned the hard way. got my ass handed to me sometimes.  don't be the clueless me, ok? caveat 1: this advice probably does not apply well to fuck or pass (game) groups or any online classifieds groups. caveat 2: if all you want to do is play in the fuck or pass groups or classifieds groups....it's not a good look and will likely be a detriment in your posting history. just sayin'... with all that out...

i have a long standing rule with my play partners. b/c i play non sexually, they are not to get physically aroused while we play. now some may say that's unusually cruel and i would respond with, 'did you forget i'm a sadist?', but really, it's not like i'm forcing them or anything. and it's an 'obey me and get your mind to conquer your body' kind of thing. anyhoo, i had one particular play partner who really really struggled with this. the consequence of not complying is that play stops and i leave. and neither of us really wanted that. but he couldn't manage it. so after the 2nd time we had to end a play session early, we sat down and talked about what was going on. he was really really trying. but this was new and he figured he might need a little help. now part and parcel of our play is i determine what you're going to wear. in his case, it was ladies' underwear. so the next time i came over to play, and he was struggling with my litt...

listen, i get that it can be a journey to kink and understanding your kinky desires. sometimes, you go about life following peer pressure, societal expectations, the behaviour that everyone around you, seems to demonstrate. i understand that desire to conform, to fit in, b/c it's simpler. it makes sense. it has an air of legitimacy and decency and being appropriate. right? and we all love. we all love differently, but we as human beings seek connections and love and acceptance and togetherness. there are very few real hermits in the world. and they can't seem to maintain it, can they? so we live together, we pair off. we relationship. we marry. b/c that's the thing to do and that's how we do it, in vanilla life - the default of society. human beings are social creatures, after all. even the most introverted of introverts seeks human connection of some kind. wants to be loved. and i imagine, that some of us repress the kinky, or don't discover the kinky or even under...