omg lesson#20: writing a decent ad on fetlife (or other classifieds)

first off, you know that fetlife is not a dating site, hook up site or whatever. it's the kinky facebook and so there are oodles of people who are on fet who don't want to fuck you, play with you, or have anything to do with you, right?

and b/c you've accepted this reality, you're not one of the those twatwaffles who spams every profile you see of someone who labels as your ideal whatever. b/c you're not into negging, cajoling, or spamming and being a disrespectful asshat. right?

glad to hear it.

and i too, have accepted the reality that b/c classifieds are allowed on fetlife, some people, may in fact, meet a play partner, someone to fuck, date, hook up with or whatever on the site. more like resigned myself to this but let's not argue semantics, ok? and it's part of the reason i left - the demanding, insistent, relentless fuckbois, misogyny, and racism turned me off and away. 

anyhoo, i used to be in a few groups on there and have seen some real idiotic drive by ads by asshats who don't read groups rules. this lesson is not for those idiots b/c you would never be such a douche canoe as to post an ad in a place it wasn't wanted or allowed, right?

awesome. we're off to such a good start :)

since i've seen some of these really sad excuses for ads, i thought i'd do a quick tutorial on how to write a decent one. b/c, let's face it, there are so many bad ones, if you could write a decent one, you might stand out for all the right reasons....and that might be helpful, no?

some caveats to begin:

• this is written from a femdom pov and written for s-type males looking for d-type females. you may need to adapt some shit. 
• i make no guarantees this lesson will lead to an ad that will get you laid/play/etc. but it will likely give you a better shot if you use the info here wisely.
• this is a marketing exercise. you are marketing you. and so there is some prep work required. don't be lazy. anything worth doing is worth doing well in my book. so apply yourself if you want the best chance of success. 
• lastly, you still need to be authentic. still be you. apply this info in a way that's still true to your voice, spirit and intent :)

here's my advice:

1) make sure your profile is well filled out.

there is no point in crafting a decent or even great ad, if your profile sucks.

b/c chances are, if the ad lured a prospective candidate, and she's a woman, she's going to check out your profile. if it's blank, she's likely to stop right there. and you've lost a promising lead. if it's wankery, she's likely going to dismiss you. if she's someone who's a pro or a findomme, she'll use the wank fodder to hook you into paying tribute or booking her for a pro session. if that's what you want, cool beans. but if that's not what you want, don't advertise as if you do. 

need help with the profile? happy to oblige with lesson#2: the male submissive profile.

2) be clear about what you want/are looking for.

if you're a bottom, don't say you're submissive looking for a dominant. if you're a fetishist, don't say you're a submissive. be clear. be honest. and if you truly don't know...indicating that you're exploring some shit is perfectly valid and worthwhile including in your ad. 

working on your profile will help you figure this out, too. also, if you're not sure whether you're a fetishist, a bottom or a submissive...check out lessons 85, 86, and 87.

and if you're just looking for a vanilla style fuck, get off fet and hit tinder or something. ok?

3) make sure you place your ad in appropriate places. 

don't post in groups that don't allow personal ads. and focus on the groups that meet what you're looking for or meet your interests/kinks/fetishes. don't blindly post everywhere and anywhere without some discernment and forethought. 

people can see your posting history. it will not reflect well on you if you've spammed every classified group you could. women tend to check that shit out. quality, grasshopper. quality, not quantity is the objective here. b/c you want a quality person, no?

4) elements to consider.

• a good ad should cover some basics. don't leave people guessing or trying to hunt down this info. it should be right in the ad. make it convenient for your potential candidates.

• length of your ad. 1 or 2 sentences isn't going to cut it. you need to give it some thought, people. i wouldn't go overboard b/c your profile can be used to fill in some blanks. but remember that you are marketing what it is you are looking for and honesty and writing it as an 'ask' rather than 'demand' is a better marketing strategy. 

• grammar & spelling count. in an ad you are posting, you have the ability to edit. make sure it's readable and indicates you took some care with it. 

• be honest. don't exaggerate or lie about experience you don't have. don't claim a label you don't understand or are not sure about. if you don't know what label fits, forego the label altogether and just talk about what you're looking for/what you want to try.

• be clear and concise. try to nail down what it is you are looking for in no more than 2 sentences. online or offline? what kind of relationship are you open to - fuck buddy, play partner, what? preferences?

• sell yourself. why should anyone respond to you? what do you offer? and lord love a duck, do not sell what you want as a service to her. dominants can smell that shit from a mile away. 

• focus on the positives. don't go on and on about what you don't want. don't be derogatory about findommes or pros or anyone for that matter. keep the title positive and focus on what you are looking for.

• lay off the wanky language. don't call 'em mistresses b/c that will turn off some women right away. or goddesses. or whatever. don't use porn tropes. bad idea. and for a fighting chance, do. not. have. a dick. avatar. ok? (lesson#19: the fallacy of a dick pic is the best that men can do).

• the close. can you host or no? open to public or only private play? how would you like to be contacted? and how will you respond? 

5) crafting the ad.

i tend to like an ad that's maybe a couple of decently sized paragraphs and some bullet points. ymmv on this. but don't go too short or too long (samples further down). be sure to include:

• an intro - who you are, your experience level, label (if you have one)
• what you are looking for/the purpose of your ad
• what you have to offer
• how they can contact you/learn more

____________________

EXAMPLE 1

hi! my name's dan and i'm a single 32 y/o male, 5'9 in decent shape. two years experience mostly as a bottom/submissive. i mostly see myself as a masochist and know i like floggers, canes and single tails. open to other types of impact play and like the idea of kneeling and learning more about foot worship/boot worship. open to public or private play but i'm sorry, i can't host. i do have some of my own toys, though!

i would like to meet female tops or dominants who have a sadistic streak:) would prefer someone around my age (a little older or younger is ok), who lives locally, and can either host or is into becoming play partners for public play on a regular basis. someone willing to put the time into a friendly casual relationship for play - can be sexual or non sexual depending on how we feel. 

what do i offer?

i think i have a pretty good pain threshold, but you would be the judge of that!
i understand how to negotiate and communicate my limits
i am happy to be your gopher/toy bag pack horse for events we both attend
i am happy to clean up dungeon spaces after your scenes at events we both attend
people tell me i'm funny so maybe i could make you laugh?

my profile will tell you more about me. my face pix are set to friends only but if we get to talking, i am happy to share pix before meeting. thx for reading!

____________________

EXAMPLE 2

i'm dan, a 45 y/o male living in edmonton. i'm not one for check lists, what I'm looking for is a connection. i've played with pros and had vanilla and kinky relationships and feel I'm a pretty open and flexible man. i'm a people pleaser so while i have kinks for bondage, foot worship and chastity, i am most interested in getting to know a strong cis dominant woman and how i might meet her needs and wants.

hopefully you are looking for someone that is interested in something long term where we can build deeper levels or trust/care and not so much casual play. i'd really like a mono ltr that encompasses love, sex, care and romance. i am most attracted to women who are a little on the curvy side, in their 30's to 40's although the mental connection is just as important as the physical attraction for me. i'm financially stable, have a great career, own my own home and i'm ready to settle down with a strong independent woman who's interested in having a submissive husband/lover/boyfriend. 

if this appeals, check my profile and if anything piques your interest send me a dm or feel free to start up a chat. pix available upon request. hope to hear from you.

______________________________________________________

doing all these things still might not work. 

remember? i made no guarantees or promises. but don't get all discouraged and go negative rambo on here. take a breath and stay chill.

just like in marketing, don't put all your eggs in one basket. understand a simple ad can't do magic. so use your well crafted ad when you email people (again, read profiles, make sure people are open to what you're looking for, etc. not sure when you can private message someone? lesson#28 will help you figure that out.

when you decide to message someone, create a customized intro for that person (why are you writing them?) and then post a link to your ad. 

if you're looking for someone local, try events, too. put yourself out there. don't make every event you attend a meat market. instead, network, socialize and subtly let it be known you're looking. people will help you if you come across as a decent likeable sort. lessons# 75 and 77 can help you out with this. 

and of course, i have another lesson to help you out with this, too...lesson#10: getting play when you are socially awkward.

let's end shit ads that will never ever ever work. please and thank you. 

Oct 31, 2019