omg lesson#28: when to private message someone online

i'm going to let you in on a little secret. it's not a well kept secret but it seems kind of like the caramilk secret...people think it's still a big mystery. and i think it needs dispelling. so here goes:

if you want to pm someone, read their profile. in its entirety.

is it too long for you to read? then don't send them a pm. chances are you are going to piss them off. at best, you will get no response, at worst, you'll get a scathing message that encompasses all of their frustration at what you and probably a dozen people (likely men) before you that week, tried to do, which is randomly pm them without reading their profile.

once you've read their profile, let me break down some of the basics for you...

• if they say, "i am not looking for x, y, and z" and you are looking for x, y, and z, do not pm them asking if they are interested in what they already told you they are not looking for.

• if they say they are not looking for a partner as they already have one or are just not looking, do not pm them asking if they might consider you as a partner.

• if they say, "here are my criteria for potential partners" and you don't meet their criteria, do not send them a pm asking if they might consider you as a partner.

• if they identify as sapiosexual, you're going to have to up your game with the message and if intellectual discussions ain't your thing, do not send them a pm that displays that intellectual discussions are not your thing.

• if they say, "read this before contacting me" and you can't be bothered to read what they linked to, do not pm them. if they aren't worth that bit of effort, nothing you are going to say in a pm is going to impress them. chances are, you're going to be the 3rd wanker that day who thought he/she was the special snowflake that was an exception. the exception is in your own mind.

• if they say, "read this before contacting me" and you read the link and realize that's not really how you want to conduct the communication, do not pm them. you're not compatible.

• if they say they do not accept random friend requests, do not send them random friend requests.

• if they have a protocol they use for accepting friend requests, use the protocol or do not send them random friend requests.

• if they do not explicitly say in their profile that you can lead with your kinks/fetishes/cock, then don't do it. rule of thumb, don't talk about sex unless they ask the questions that steer the conversation there. instead, try starting to talk to them like a human being like you would on a vanilla dating site. kinky does not equal easy.

read that again and repeat until you understand it: kinky does not equal easy.

when can you send someone a pm without reading the entirety of their profile?

• you read a post of theirs in a group and want to speak specifically about the point they made and it would likely derail the thread since the thread had moved on. then by all means, send a respectful, non wanky quick message without expectation.

• you came across one of their writings and it really resonated or you had questions about it. ideally, you'd post in their comments section of the writing. but you could pm them as well. again, respectful. non wanky. and above all without expectation.

that's it, that's all. all other pm's require you read the fucking profile in its entirety. and respect it.

and keep in mind, you still might not get a response b/c if they try to learn more about the person who sent them a message and all they find in your profile is distasteful to them (dic pic/pussy avatars, nasty posting history, blank profiles) they've figured you're not compatible. or they may not be interested...and you move on.

Aug 18, 2018

Aug history, blank profiles) they've figured you're not compatible. or they may not be interested...and you move on.