omg lessons

so you're interested in bdsm or kink or some kind of fetish and are curious to try something. you don't know what that is and you may have watched some porn that turned you on and you're all excited and thrilled and anxious and unsure. that's ok. we all started somewhere, too. the thing is, there are plenty of things you can do to explore and there are some things that you should clear up for yourself before engaging too heavily into things without having some understanding of what it is you are getting into. what do you need to know? 1) consent is everything understand what consent is. if you don't, or are unsure, educate ourself on it and how it is applied to kink. this will help you: lesson#12 on consent. 2) safety safety safety understand that while you have stars in your eyes, the best advocate for keeping yourself safe, is you . other people are not responsible for keeping you safe. and given the dangerous aspects of kink (and there are many), understand what ...

i know you're thinking this sounds like a boring topic... but negotiation is probably at the root of getting allll the kinky play you want and maybe the play you didn't even know you wanted or was even possible. do it well? you'll likely have a memorable experience you'll want to repeat, revel and delight in, and brag about to all your kinky friends.  do it badly and you may never play again. it's a difficult subject b/c a simple lesson like this can get mired in the various ways that people like to negotiate and different communication styles. so i'm not going to tell you how to negotiate, per se. that's a pretty personal thing that you develop over time with experience and learn from others. what i am going to do is lay some of the basics down to keep in mind/remember. it's by no means a complete guide. but as a set of helpful tips and tricks, perhaps, just perhaps, it can tell the little head to STFU for a moment, so the big head can do the work on be...

people often talk about limits in relation to their own personal boundaries, no go areas, and possible cautious exploration with the right person. i think it's quite obvious that people have autonomy over their own bodies and what they will or will not tolerate, accept and/or participate in. it's all this consent culture we talk about endlessly really. healthy relationships include a few things imho: good, honest and open communication respected and understood boundaries enthusiastic and informed consent a sincere care for the other person your mileage may vary and all that. but i have lived my life and seen some shit. i think these are the things that stand up in vanilla and in kink. one of the things i really like about kink is the talk about limits. i could say boundaries but limits seems easier and rolls off the tongue a little better:) it's a pretty universally understood term in that it gives people pause. it immediately indicates a hand up, a stop, in a polite way. i...

i like clothespins. i prefer the wooden ones for many reasons (i find the plastic ones are insanely painful little buggers and sometimes limiting in terms of what a play partner can take). and i like to be creative with my play things and my toys so them being able to endure and suffer for longer periods of time....is kinda important to me. i'm maybe an unusual sadist in that way. i've played with clothespins in many ways. and then i saw a scene recently and it re-inspired me to think about all the ways to play with clothespins. since i play non sexually, i find genitals can be off the table. i'm not touching them. i only touch my lover's. and one could say that might be limiting. i don't think so! let me explain. you could dump a bunch of clothespins in front of them. set a little timer (like one of those hourglasses) and tell them they have to apply all the pins onto their penis and balls...before time runs out. i like 2 minute timers for this. and lots and lots o...

i have a long standing rule with my play partners. b/c i play non sexually, they are not to get physically aroused while we play. now some may say that's unusually cruel and i would respond with, 'did you forget i'm a sadist?', but really, it's not like i'm forcing them or anything. and it's an 'obey me and get your mind to conquer your body' kind of thing. anyhoo, i had one particular play partner who really really struggled with this. the consequence of not complying is that play stops and i leave. and neither of us really wanted that. but he couldn't manage it. so after the 2nd time we had to end a play session early, we sat down and talked about what was going on. he was really really trying. but this was new and he figured he might need a little help. now part and parcel of our play is i determine what you're going to wear. in his case, it was ladies' underwear. so the next time i came over to play, and he was struggling with my litt...