omg lessons

recently, in a femdom group, i came across a question from a domme asking about s-type men's motivation for posting dick pix and most specifically dick pic avatars. several men responded with something similar to this poster: "Sadly it's the best we can do. Most folks here don't want to post face pics (for obvious reasons), and so are left with few options." seriously?!?!? what. the. fuck? sadly, i think plenty of men with the dick pix really believe this. and sure, you can believe whatever you'd like. you can post dick pic as avatars all the live long day on some sites b/c it's within their terms of reference. no one, i think, is saying you can't. the question is more why would you, if your intention is to attract a woman? if there are men that really feel that's the best they've got or that's the only option (other than a face pic), ok. that tells a woman that the men in question, lack: any level of creativity; the ability to think; the a...

first off, you know that fetlife is not a dating site, hook up site or whatever. it's the kinky facebook and so there are oodles of people who are on fet who don't want to fuck you, play with you, or have anything to do with you, right? and b/c you've accepted this reality, you're not one of the those twatwaffles who spams every profile you see of someone who labels as your ideal whatever. b/c you're not into negging, cajoling, or spamming and being a disrespectful asshat. right? glad to hear it. and i too, have accepted the reality that b/c classifieds are allowed on fetlife, some people, may in fact, meet a play partner, someone to fuck, date, hook up with or whatever on the site. more like resigned myself to this but let's not argue semantics, ok? and it's part of the reason i left - the demanding, insistent, relentless fuckbois, misogyny, and racism turned me off and away.  anyhoo, i used to be in a few groups on there and have seen some real idiotic dri...

if it were possible for the eyes to roll to the back of my head, they actually would every time i read the word alpha or beta shit on a fetlife post, profile or thread. if you want me to dismiss you, then by all means, use those terms. if you don't mind me (and many other dominant women) seeing you as stupid or buying into pop psych or not knowing fuck all about people, then please, as you were. if you like when people think you're a fuckstick in a casual offhand way, keep on truckin' with your alpha and beta terminology. however, if you genuinely want to ask, 'but why smg are those terms not appropriate to use?'  the thing is,  words do mean things . we no longer draw pictures on cave walls to communicate with one another. we talk. we write. and the words we use all tell people about what we think of ourselves and the world around us. you can use whatever words you wish - i'm not here to censor you - but the words you use will dictate how others see you. how th...

i'm going to let you in on a little secret. it's not a well kept secret but it seems kind of like the caramilk secret...people think it's still a big mystery. and i think it needs dispelling. so here goes: if you want to pm someone, read their profile. in its entirety. is it too long for you to read? then don't send them a pm. chances are you are going to piss them off. at best, you will get no response, at worst, you'll get a scathing message that encompasses all of their frustration at what you and probably a dozen people (likely men) before you that week, tried to do, which is randomly pm them without reading their profile. once you've read their profile, let me break down some of the basics for you... if they say, "i am not looking for x, y, and z" and you are looking for x, y, and z, do not pm them asking if they are interested in what they already told you they are not looking for. if they say they are not looking for a partner as they already ha...

it comes up a lot online. have you seen it? the perceived slight or insult and the completely over the top reaction to a comment that isn't directed at anyone specifically...but is felt as if an arrow was shot into someone's heart? that someone who feels so incensed that they feel the need to combat slights that don't exist? didn't even exist in the original comment? it's perception by those who may be a wee bit too sensitive. butt hurt is typically used sarcastically or to ridicule someone who's whining about something they don’t like. usually, it tends to be around kink shaming. how dare you shame my kink? how dare you laugh at my kink? how DARE YOU saying anything negative about my kink? let's be clear. when someone says they aren't into a kink and explains why it's not for them, that's not actually kink shaming. they are just explaining why it's not for them ...and perhaps they may say why it squicks them/grosses them out/makes them uncom...

it's funny (not the ha ha kind) that on a kink site like fetlife, there is quite a bit of kink shaming and rather unkind things to say about all kinds of kinks. it would be good to just say, your kink is not my kink and that's ok and leave it at that. particularly for those who seek acceptance, kindness, and a wee bit of indulgence that they don't or can't seem to get, from the mainstream/vanilla world. one of those kinks that seems to get a bad rap is cross dressing. or rather it gets lumped in with sissification or forced feminization. leaving the latter 2 out, and focusing just on the cross dressing: i've spoken to many a cross dresser - in person, on fet, in vanilla situations, at kink events, in all kinds of places with all kinds of people - some who you would never suspect had a kinky bone in their body. the one thing that pops up over and over again is their fear of being outed; or being scared to tell a partner; of going through a pattern of throwing all the...

so if you're some random dude on the internet, this should be pretty self evident. but lord love a duck, since there are several men who lack a certain level of good and common sense about why a woman might not be interested in watching a strange random dude wank, allow me to explain. i'm not interested in random dudes' dicks. like ever. i'm not interested in watching you grip said dick like it was a lifeboat off the titanic. i'm not interested in watching you make a mess. where ever you choose to make that mess. random stranger's faces while jerking off are not particularly pretty. i like to objectify pretty. you wanking is not pretty. of course, there are some women totally into random dudes wanking off. most of them will tell you they require some money/tribute/gift card type reward for their time and attention to watch you wank - hell, some will even provide jerk off instructions (joi's for those not in the know) - if you smile, wink and provide the righ...

there's more than just your written 'about me' to a profile that some people check out. actually a lot of the female identifying people might pay attention to the entire profile and it's worth keeping in mind. i know it appears people don't even read profiles but i can assure you that as a dominant woman, who talks to her domme friends, we absolutely read the profiles when we're looking/seeking. and we skim more than just the 'about me' part of the profile. as women, we've got our safety in mind so we're checking out the men that might catch our fancy and the first start to that checking you out, is looking at what your entire profile tells us about you.  so there's your 'about me', fetish lists, and the picture gallery which i've written about and given advice about already in lesson#2 . there's also a few other elements you might want to consider what they say about you: groups:  your group choices are listed on your profi...