omg lesson #29: butt hurt, kink shaming, & judgemental people in kinkland

it comes up a lot online. have you seen it? the perceived slight or insult and the completely over the top reaction to a comment that isn't directed at anyone specifically...but is felt as if an arrow was shot into someone's heart? that someone who feels so incensed that they feel the need to combat slights that don't exist? didn't even exist in the original comment? it's perception by those who may be a wee bit too sensitive.

butt hurt is typically used sarcastically or to ridicule someone who's whining about something they don’t like.

usually, it tends to be around kink shaming. how dare you shame my kink? how dare you laugh at my kink? how DARE YOU saying anything negative about my kink?

let's be clear. when someone says they aren't into a kink and explains why it's not for them, that's not actually kink shaming.

they are just explaining why it's not for them...and perhaps they may say why it squicks them/grosses them out/makes them uncomfortable. now sure, they can be a douche canoe in their explanation of why the kink isn't theirs...but i find, most of the time, they are being direct rather than rude. but people who get butt hurt...might see it a bit differently.

that's not to say you may not feel a little judged for your kink when someone isn't speaking of it in the glowing terms you think it deserves. but frankly, just get over it. seriously. what is getting incensed over a perceived slight on the internet really going to accomplish anyway? it's probably going to affect you more than the person you're angry with. they will continue to go about their day while you stew. or you know, let your butt hurt. don't do that to yourself. 

some people get unreasonably angry with the advice they've asked for, about pursuing kink.

why? don't ask for it from strangers who don't care to protect your feelings, if you're that sensitive. i mean, you can be sensitive and everything, but don't ask strangers for advice if getting it from maybe well meaning but direct, straightforward (and let's face it, sometimes, snarky) strangers is going to cause you anguish. this is the internet. do i have to explain how it works? if you need that explanation, log off and don't come back until you gain some perspective about the internet. seriously. just spare your feelings and helluva lot of frustration.

yes, kink is work and that's the advice you're going to hear over and over again.

it requires communication and responsibility and care and attention to detail a lot of the time. it's fun for sure...but only when you can practice it with a modicum of understanding and safety. doh! like anything in life, really. if you've hit 30 and held a job, a relationship, lived outside of your parents' home, etc. you can actually employ adulting skills you've picked up along the way, to all things including sex and kink. to say you're not able to? well then you shouldn't get laid or participate in kink cause you obviously can't take the responsibility necessary for both those things.

and getting all butt hurt cause people point this out to you when you ask for advice? not attractive. and people are likely not going to empathize when you get all whiny. likely they will laugh at you and give you a wide berth. or worse yet, the trolls may come out to play. and no one likes a troll. not even other trolls....

and for pete's sake, don't come onto this writing to whine about how 'misunderstood' you are. i'm deleting any and all 'butt hurt' comments without reserve. even if one could use them for illustrative purposes....

Mar 22, 2019