omg lesson#95: what your entire fetlife profile tells someone about you...

there's more than just your written 'about me' to a profile that some people check out. actually a lot of the female identifying people might pay attention to the entire profile and it's worth keeping in mind.

i know it appears people don't even read profiles but i can assure you that as a dominant woman, who talks to her domme friends, we absolutely read the profiles when we're looking/seeking. and we skim more than just the 'about me' part of the profile. as women, we've got our safety in mind so we're checking out the men that might catch our fancy and the first start to that checking you out, is looking at what your entire profile tells us about you. 

so there's your 'about me', fetish lists, and the picture gallery which i've written about and given advice about already in lesson#2.

there's also a few other elements you might want to consider what they say about you:

groups: your group choices are listed on your profile. groups you moderate and groups you've joined. they can indicate whether you are really into a fetish or kink or just curious/interested.

• if it's full of classified groups, it reads 'desperate', 'thirsty', 'looking to get laid'. none of those things tend to be attractive to most women identifying persons...if women identifying persons are who you are hoping to attract.
• if it's all about a niche fetish, that can be limiting too. sounds like you just want to get a fetish dispensed/kink met and nothing else.
• if it's all interests that are not interesting to most women identifying persons (if women identifying persons are who you are hoping to attract). say, if you're all about online domination. yeah, you're setting yourself up for the pay for play or scammers. most dominant women who do this shit for free aren't into online domming. notice the groups that are sausage fests. if it's full of men...chances are the women aren't that interested and those not interested won't be too crazy about seeing 5 iterations of that type of group in your profile.

activity feed: what you do on fet is listed in perpetuity on your profile - at least your public activity. all your comments, loves, posts, etc. gets preserved and people will scroll through that shit to learn more about you.

• if it's full of trolly, mean, rude, vulgar shit...it may not reflect well on you. and you will be judged for what you've posted in the past.
• if you have a habit of making crude comments on other people's pix...it will be noted and probably not in a good way. or if your entire history is loving photos of, say, attractive naked women, that doesn't speak to the well roundedness that people tend to look for.

writings: i love writings. this is a writing! it's great to have writings that show a little more of who you are and how you think and what you're about. but, it can backfire.

• if you like to whine about how a particular gender withholds sex, affection, attention, responses from you, that's unattractive. in general, don't fucking whine.
• if you like to complain about a particular gender's desire for say, equality, or respect, or civility in a way that makes it clear you think that this gender is inferior to yours in some way, that's not a good look.
• if you like to rant and rave about stuff that makes you look like a racist, misogynistic, misandrist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist asshat...it would be best to keep those thoughts to yourself. i mean, write away if you must and make sure just about everyone will give you a wide berth. or tell you how stupid you are. but it's not going to attract much. if you get what i'm saying?
• if you're just writing one liners about how you're feeling that day/night on the regular...it seems a poor use of your writings. you could always write that as a 'status update' instead.

your wall: now, most people don't use their wall much. but for those that do, it tells us a little about you. and that insight can be good or bad. what do you want to convey with your publicly visible wall messages? think about it.

event listings: are you going to events? no. that might be an issue if you want to meet kinksters. people will ask why aren't you if you're so eager to meet? if all your events are gangbangs and hook up parties, that says something about you, too. not to dissuade you from going to what you want to go to. just be cognizant of what interests you are portraying to people you might be wanting to attract...

the friends and followers are a little less interesting. some people may check out who you follow and if it's all one gender in a certain age bracket...that might say something about you, too. but it tends to be a little less important and less obvious than these other bits that you might want to pay attention to. just sayin'...

if you want to make a good impression, think about the impression your profile is giving out to those who make their way to it.

Jun 20, 2020