omg lesson#2: the male submissive online profile

ok, i'm not going to lie. the male submissive profile is often considered a wasteland of question marks, porn dialogue and hot air. we dommes complain about it often (you know, at the domme borg collective meetings that don't exist and are ultra top secret....)

we also complain about the male submissive photo galleries or online dating profile pix. b/c once you see a dick pic, all you think is, 'this one's a dick'. and move on. sad really.

i often wonder about the untapped potential there, though.

if you just presented your profile as if you actually liked yourself and were attractive and desirable as a mate/play partner/etc. you might actually get some mileage out of your profile.

how does one do that, you ask?

oh sit down, and let me tell you the ways...

1) put some care into choosing your dating handle.

if it's graphic, porny, or otherwise offensive and designed to be so, you can bet...it's going to offend a lot of women. it's the first impression you're creating. if women are your target audience pick something that isn't distasteful. sub4strapon69 is really ugly. get it?

2) write about what brought you to seek out a dominant.

1 line. that's all. was it curiosity? was it something that you saw or heard or read about? was it a friend who noticed some things about you and suggested it? whatever it was, take a moment to tell us what brought you here.

3) write about what you've learned about submission and dominance.

maybe 3-5 bullet points if you're not a wordy kind of guy. but it will show you're able to absorb information and learn on your own. that, my friends, is sexy. and if porn is the entirety of your education thus far, you're sunk before you've even begun b/c porn isn't real. if that's what you want, seek out a pro domme and pay for the porn tropes you're seeking. 

4) tell us what makes you an interesting human being.

put the kink pen down for a moment and just think about what things, in your day to day life, are interesting. is it your passion for motorcycles? your collection of star wars memorabilia? your keen interest in giant squid? quantum physics? when you're passionate about something, you give us something to ask you about. that's called a conversation starter :)

5) add a little humour.

now granted, this is a tricky one. i know from personal experience that sometimes humour is hard to do online. it can easily be misread. or lack the right tone. it can be hard to strike the right balance. just try to not to put others down to make yourself sound funny. self deprecating is probably the safest. but don't put yourself so down, we begin to believe there's nothing of interest to stop by for, either.

6) your kinky play/fetish list.

you know what? when you lead with all the things you want done to you, all the kinky play you're interested in, all your fetishes, you're in essence, leading with your dick. now, in your life, how successful have you been with women, leading with your dick? chances are, it's probably been zero. and it will continue to be zero if you do that with kink, too.  it's not a bad idea to think about the things that are really important to you for a relationship but don't make that the focus of what you're looking for. it's the equivalent of looking for a fuck. and women tend to look for connections and/or relationships first. 

7) the avatar or intro photo.

it goes without saying, stay away from dick pic avatars. you force everyone to look at them when you post anywhere or appear anywhere on the site. i like certain cocks. but i like them b/c of who they belong to. not some faceless, random dick shoved in my face. it puts me off. it puts a lot of women off...and if women are your target audience...lay off the dick pic avatars. ok? now, if you're trying to attract men, it's actually not a bad way to go. know your audience.

8) the pic gallery.

ok, ok, i know you really really want to show off your dick. you love chastity and want to display that for the world. i get it. it feeds your exhibitionist tendencies. you're proud of it. far be it from me, to take that level of self expression away from you. but if you want women to look at your picture gallery, a teensy weensy bit of advice...

• keep the pix to a good angled shot of the subject. not 10 shots of the same thing in slightly different angles. we can tell what you've just done. discernment again. pick one or two from that shoot. ok?
• and honestly, we're interested in other parts of your body sometimes so if you could maybe show off more than just your dick, that would not be a bad thing. and i say this as a person who doesn't like random nudity.
• no orifices. i do not need to see your anus to determine whether you can take a strap on or do butt play. seriously, no. just no. don't. do. it.
• and while we're on the subject...clean up around the subject. no dirty bathroom mirrors and messy backgrounds. if it's captured in the pic...we can see it. and we judge. mercilessly.
• find things in your life that you find genuinely beautiful, inspiring, something you want to share that expresses some of the things that go on in your head. whether that's pix of your star wars collection, or your garden, or the view from a recent hike, post those with a caption that tells us why you decided to post it. or what it can tell us about you.
• cute animals are pretty consistently thumbs up. not necessarily my thing but women keep saying they want to see your dog/cat. so if you have a pet, show off a flattering shot of fido or feefee.

9) what not to say.

don't tell us you never know what to write about yourself for these things. is there nothing interesting about you? then why would we care to get to know you? it's a turn off. and while we're on the subject of turn offs:

• don't write 'want to know about me, just ask'. we won't.
• don't use porny language that will stop us reading after the first sentence - anything with 'oh, mistress/goddess' and concluding with how you're just dying to serve a random stranger and give her hours of oral pleasure. we'll tell you to fuck off (if we bother to respond at all).

10) spelling and grammar are kinda important.

no, you won't be graded on your spelling and grammar. but you will be judged. so for the love of pete (who is 'pete' anyway?), proof your stuff. hell, ask a friend you know to proof your profile for you. doesn't have to be perfect...but has to show you paid some attention to it.

____

that's it. doesn't have to be a novel. you can actually convey much of this in about 8-10 sentences and a few well selected pix. you can set yourself apart from your competition b/c so few men do this well. 

Nov 23, 2018