omg lesson #67: online domination: your joy, our buzzkill

i'm going to start off with: there is nothing inherently wrong in seeking and wanting an online only play relationship. if that's what you're after and most comfortable with, seek a compatible partner and have at 'er.

what i want to talk about here, is why there are so few female dominants into it which makes it hard to find, and of course, the pitfalls to be aware of when seeking an online only play relationship b/c a lesson should always have some good takeaways...imho.

online only play relationships are basically role play - and really if you're not ready/interested in doing anything other than role play - it's better that you stay online instead of misleading someone who is looking for something in-person.

the end result is that it tends to be more of the male getting sexy stuff to do that gives them something to wank to, while it can quickly become boring and a lot of work for a female - to keep up the creativity and an ever growing rolodex of kinky ideas and kink things to do and enforce.

frankly, many dominants are reaction junkies - they get off on doing things to their subs during play that elicits reactions. telling someone what to do constantly...without the physical exchange of energy, without the tactile aspects, without the tangible reactions you can see and hear and feel...well, that's not a whole lot of fun. as a dominant, i don't get to hit you, i don't get to tie you up, i don't get any foot rubs...i mean, wtf? what's in it for me?

any relationship, even an online play only one, needs to have something in it for both parties.

but generally, what happens, is men get all these tasks that feed their kinks and fetishes and they get to feel all subby wubby and sexy and aroused b/c ooohhh...fun play! and they negotiate what they want and would like to try and submit to things like anal training and sissification b/c they really want to do those things...but it's so much more fun when a

woman tells them to do those things. it's just not the same when they do it all by themselves. having a woman watch or actively participate? that's the experience they are after.

so the dominant gets to come up with ideas that will work to indulge and arouse her sub; work within his limits and the confines of online only play; coordinate the scheduling and tasks; and follow up to make sure tasks are completed and enforce all the rules. she's also expected to 'force' her subs to do their anal training...in some cases, camming to make sure they are doing it. or outlining, in detail, how a sub should get all dressed up and sissified. you get the idea.

i'm a dominant who loves rules and protocol. and yet, all of the above sounds fucking boring.

what's in it for her? she's doing all the work, mustering her creative energy to satisfy the kinks of her submissive, and playing along so her sub can enjoy himself. for what exactly? the joy of indulging him? the joy of a foot fetishist getting off on seeing her feet? the joy of seeing him lock up in chastity. um. sorry, gentlemen. that's a big no. that's not enough. remember what i said about reaction junkies? about physical energy?

sexy pix of you sissified or your cock in a chastity cage is not enough of a return on investment for all the work she's required to put into an online only play relationship. and c'mon, the pix are really for you to show off and not really for her, are they? are they?

and that, is the reason, there's not a lot of dominants into it. as i said, buzzkill.

that being said, it's completely legitimate to seek online only play relationships. just do it appropriately and not like a fucktard, ok? things to keep in mind:

• a lot of scam artists prey on people who want online relationships - they will likely contact you first and will try to convince you it's expected that a sub pays "tribute" just to talk or be considered. nope. think with the big head and not the little head when you're looking for someone to play with.

• be careful of sharing too much person info with someone you don't know online. they could use it to blackmail you. and not in the kinky fun way. in the way that could blow up your life. be careful. guard your privacy. 

• a lot of people who are just playing games or talk about moving from online to in person if everything goes well. learn to screen these types of people.

• are they really who they say they are? it may be a man on the other side of the keyboard. it might be someone who's married but said they're single. it's easy to lie online. read up on cat phishing. it's a thing. or, if you don't care who's on the other end of the line as long as they talk hot to you, then go with it. 

• emotional connections can form online. it can be intense, you can be flooded by sub frenzy or new relationship energy. and it can be devastating if someone ghosts you and ends things abruptly. it happens.

• beware the blackmailers. sending photos or camming a complete stranger with compromising photos can lead to disaster. be careful what you share that could be used to blackmail you. just don't.

and understand it's a difficult path you've chosen b/c there are far fewer dominants into indulging online only play relationships for the long haul.

some dabble and learn it's not for them. many women will seek pay for play. respect that they need to get something out of the relationship as well and if they've monetized it - there's no need to judge them. a simple 'no thank you' will suffice.

choose online play only groups and search in appropriate places. if dommes say they aren't into online play or are looking for live in type relationships, don't approach them. be respectful of what others are looking for just as you hope others will be respectful of what you are looking for.

Dec 15, 2018