omg lesson#1: how to approach/write to a non pro domme online

first off, i'm going to preface this by saying this is my opinion and my opinion only. i didn't consult with the domme collective and they have neither authorized nor sanctioned this advice. hell, they don't even know i'm writing this so don't tell them...

i tend to get a lot of messages. not a lot, a lot but enough that i have replied to my fair share of "applicants".

i am not actively looking for a sub play partner but if i was...and in response to the submissive men who keep asking, "how do i approach/write/reach out to a domme?", i'm going to give you a little advice on how you might craft a first message to me. but don't actually do it. cause i'm not looking. instead, use this advice for those that indicate they are looking. ok?

1. you only have one, just one, opportunity to make a good first impression. don't blow it. think with your big head and not your little one. hold your over-eager, enthusiastic, excited little self back and in check. write like a civil, human being. and saying "hey" or "how's it going?" is a shite opener and i will tell you to go away. once. after that, prepare to be blocked.
2. most dommes will not respond to an unsolicited message b/c they get inundated with submissive men unleashing their porn fantasies in their inboxes. a lot. hint: i really hate that. don't fucking do it. unless you're asked for it. and i will never ask for it.
3. chances are, you're coming across someone through a dating site or platform. that's great b/c there, you have a dating profile. read. my. profile. and. pay. attention. if i say i don't do online play and you live far away, don't message me with an application to serve online. if i say, don't call me "mistress" or whatever honorific you have in your head, then don't call me that. use my online screen name. my profile will help you craft an appropriate first message. use it.
4. don't write me a message as if you're already my sub. i am not your domme. i find it neither attractive, nor endearing, when someone assumes that we have a relationship i have not agreed to.
5. being "new" doesn't excuse you from not reading a profile and using the instructions there as a way to help you make a case for your service. and if you don't fit what i'm looking for, per my profile, DO NOT WRITE ME TO ASK ME TO CONSIDER YOU, ANYWAY. i didn't write my profile for you to ignore it b/c you're the bestest sub ever.
6. don't order me to train you, feminize you, force you to orally service me, etc. i give the orders. you don't. and i state again: if we haven't agreed to a negotiated dynamic, i won't be giving you orders. no matter how much your little heart might desire it.
7. craft a message that speaks to me as a person first. not a fetish dispenser. not the source of all your fantasies and dreams. don't put me on a pedestal. i never asked to be put on one. i like obedience and control. it doesn't mean it's the first thing i want to be asked about.
8. don't grovel. don't beg. as much as i love to see a man kneeling before me and begging...i only like that from men i have a connection and negotiated dynamic with. i don't like it from random strangers on the internet. and if you are writing to me for the first time, you are a random stranger. don't kid yourself.
9. make sure your profile has at least a little something about you. something i can ask about. something that might perk my interest. something that might give me a clue as to why you chose to write me. i want to know you, as a person, before considering you as a submissive. if your profile is blank, you're making me do the work to get to know you. i don't like that.
10. accept that you may not be compatible with me even though you might like my pix; like my fetish list; live in my local area. just b/c you identify as submissive and i identify as dominant, doesn't mean we will instantly connect. that's ok. persistance after i've said a clear "no" is not going to win you any points.

now you may come across a domme that writes to you first and asks you to submit to her without getting to know you. or she doesn't care what you write and just accepts your request/message to serve, right away. and she fits your porn like fantasies of a domme and orders you about in their first response to you without negotiating anything. these dommes are likely scammers and will hit you up for cash, gifts, etc. this doesn't mean all but certainly the ones i've come across. if it sounds too good to be true...beware!

Sep 28, 2017