omg lesson#68: how dare you suggest i go to a pro domme?

for the quintessential do me sub a reputable pro dominant can be one of the most worthwhile bdsm experiences he/she may get in the early stages of their kink journey. hell, at any stage of their kink journey. but it's not just for the do me sub. it can be for any submissive or bottom (and i've known a few who have actually truly appreciated what they learned from their pro domme sessions.)

now i will stress, you want a reputable pro domme so select carefully - check out their website, ask them for references, and check out their reviews. and also ask around kinkland since many pro dommes will attend bigger parties and conferences, too. 

someone who's going to play safe and has honed her skills in the areas that you are most interested in exploring. references are good. vetting is good. select a good service cause it's your body, you're talking about. you'd kind like to keep it intact for future kinky fun, right?

i know pro dommes get a bad rap b/c omigosh...they do pay for play. and that's soooo bad. b/c...why exactly?

they will provide you with kinky play, in a kinky outfit that fits your fantasy dominant, and offer you experiences you'd like to try; have fantasized about; are curious about and don't have a partner willing to try them out with you. they are in the business of offering experiences...that you want.

that means they are doing what you want in the guise of it being what they want. so yes, you need to suspend belief a bit. and you might need to role play a bit. but if it allows you the freedom to express a part of yourself in a way that you can't seem to get in your day to day life, why is it inherently bad? and why is paying for it so awful?

we pay to go to the movies to experience escapism. we pay to go to an amusement park to experience something exhilarating or something out of the ordinary. we pay to go to a comedy club to experience laughter and fun. we, as human beings, want to feel things through experiences. there is nothing wrong with seeking that.

it's the how you go about seeking those experiences that kind of get men into trouble.

and some people don't know how to go about sexual bdsm or kink in a way that's appropriate and going to get them what they want. if they approach a woman as a free fetish dispenser....well that's going to go about as well a getting a woman to be your free fuck toy. just ask the thousands of embittered men online who can't seem to get these things. it's sad really.

but it's also a little understandable. i mean, how do you, in social circles, learn to kink respectfully? it's not like it's something you learn in high school with all the other socialization you do. sex is still not openly and honestly discussed at that level...can you imagine where kink stands in that hierarchy? we don't talk about kink in every day interactions. and by being hidden, it somehow carries it's own unique...challenges for appropriate socialization.

this is not an excuse to behave like a shit bag, btw. i can just understand that sometimes asking for your kinks...may not be the easiest conversation to have with a person you're not quite sure about.

but with a pro domme...you know the deal. it can be transactional and straightforward. it can be selecting off a menu. it can be a guided conversation and negotiation. a reputable pro domme is going to want to give you a great experience b/c she wants repeat clientele. or at the very least a good reference. she is intent of giving you what you are looking for. yes, you're paying her. so what? if it means you learn something about yourself and have an experience you've never had otherwise but have been longing for, what difference does it make?

why not make your first experience or an early experience one that's safe for you and at the hands of someone experienced and intent on your well being and wanting a satisfied customer?

and for all those who talk about emotional connection. bollocks! b/c if you really wanted an emotional connection you would work to build that with dominant women you approach. you would read their profiles and respect what they are asking for. you would ask them about who they are and what makes them tick b/c we are, in fact, socialized to form connections with people - to make friends, to have relationships, to form bonds. and we know how to do that.

but when you come raging into an inbox or in real life, leaving no doubt that what you want is a fetish dispenser or a women to teach you all about kink or that you want x, y, and z....you are the one demonstrating you are not interested in an emotional connection. you want what you want; have seen a woman you like the look of who happens to identify as dominant; and with zero emotional connection, you have dropped into her lap all your fantasies and desires. you've not attempted an emotional connection in any of the ways you already know how to with a person. you didn't even bother.

hey, if you don't want to bother with doing all that emotional connection work (and i understand that)...a reputable pro domme can come in really handy. she can be the architect of your entry into kink. and help guide you in ways you never considered. she can introduce you to friends in the lifestyle. she can escort you to play parties. she can top you the way you want. and she can offer you experiences you have no idea about but would like to try - without judgement, without hesitation, without games or manipulation.

her tribute is well deserved and well earned. and you know what? i dare suggest it b/c men do themselves a disservice by being close minded in a world that can be, decidedly intoxicating, cathartic, stimulating, arousing and/or liberating.

why not open your mind to possibilities rather than closing them to what could be so easily had?

and i think you're wrong to suppose that there can never be any kind of emotional connections and energy between a pro domme and her clients. some do a really great job with this.

now if you say you don't have the money, then it's an investment in time and energy and effort to make an emotional connection with a dominant woman. i've explained enough in my earlier lessons on how to do this work. and many men have employed these strategies and actually found great relationships.

it's not posting an ad and whining endlessly about why it's soooo hard to find a domme. she does not reside under your couch cushions. men who do this and won't go to a pro domme, appear to me to be lazy and cheap and possibly stupid. i'm sorry - but that's how you come across. do you realize this?

so yes, i dare suggest hiring a reputable pro domme. b/c i think it's money well spent. an investment in yourself - to discover things about what you might like; to experience things you've longed for; and/or simply to have a bit of fun the way you want. what's so bad about that?

and before you say you're worried about what a dominant woman you do actually make an emotional connection with, might say about you having visited a pro domme....most of the dommes i know either:

a) think it's awesome b/c then you have experience in play and can tell them what you liked and didn't like and/or 

b) could give a shit unless you're hung up on your pro domme and then that's a different situation altogether.

disclaimer: if you should get hooked on pro domme services or fall in love with your pro domme, i take no responsibility for that happening. not my fault!

Dec 14, 2018