omg lesson#24: i don't have $, time, skills, etc. or 'how can i find the dominant of my dreams without any effort?'

i have read, more often than i care to think about, all the excuses in the book about why people can't find a kinky partner. now, mind you, it's most s-type men whining about finding a domme b/c, well, i'm a domme and i've spent my fair share of time on online femdom groups.

and the excuses are fairly predictable.

there's anxiety, social awkwardness (check out lesson#10), shame, not knowing how to go about it, and the lack of self awareness. all of those things can be addressed if you want to. they do require work on the part of the individual but if you've read some of my earlier lessons, there's some strategies, some helpful hints and some tools you can employ to help move past some of this stuff.

if you're willing to do the work, you can invite good things into your life.

but lord love a duck. the penchant that people have for telling me how busy they are and how they can't possibly find the time, money, energy to go about socializing with kinky people in order to get kinky play, find a kinky partner, or get their kink on, does astound me.

do most of us not work and have lives and other social and family obligations? how the fuck do these knobheads think the rest of us conduct our lives? are all us active kinksters lounging about eating bon bons when we're not actively kinking? lol. i wish.

here's the microcosm of my life. and i'm not looking for sympathy or pity. i'm demonstrating a point:
i work 60-80 hours a week; i volunteer; i have friends; i have a lover; i have plenty of other obligations, interests, and social engagements. and frankly, given that my job involves a ton of ego stroking, chatting and engaging with people i could care less about, the last thing i want to do is socialize even more with strangers. but...i do the stuff i feel i can and make time for, like kink, b/c it's important to me. guess what? my paycheque is important to me, too. and my family, and my friends. and my commitments.

learn to prioritize and stretch yourself.

i wonder about the people who post thoughtless comments about how busy they are and how they can't possibly do what we've all done to get what we want. it all takes work and priorities and effort and energy of some kind. do they think the relationships we have didn't take work to cultivate, build and maintain? did we meet our partners on our doorstep one day? do they think we have a magic wand to wave and abra cadabra - poof! we get kinky partners?

give me a fucking break.

if you don't have the money, time and inclination, then don't claim to be looking for a kinky partner. even if she were to turn up on your doorstep, she'd likely tell you to fuck off given your lazy entitled attitude, your cheap ass, and your delusional expectations.

who wants a sub that has no time, no money, no motivation to seek a relationship?

seriously. wank off to free porn and stop posting about how you're looking for a domme while being prepared to do nothing to make that happen. you're not looking. you're demonstrably not looking. and your excuses about why you're not looking, are crap.

omg. i really don't understand the thought process for some people sometimes.

ps - when i say money, i'm not talking about fucking tributes and shit. i'm talking about simply dating, going out, doing stuff together. don't have money to even pay your own fucking way? go work on that first.

and if you really don't have time and energy to expend on this stuff, take the transactional approach and pay a pro domme. ain't no shame in that.

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edit on apr 24/20: so like a whole host of male s-types online, this one has a list of what they want in great detail and offers only excuse after excuse about what they can't do and can't offer:

I'd like to meet a smart, attractive, single, poly woman between the ages of 35-55 with a take no prisoners authoritarian / disciplinarian nature, few inhibitions and maybe just a smidge of sadism, who lives within 50 miles of here...

now our little intrepid lookee loo is not going to be going to any munches or events or anything like that b/c they have social anxiety disorder.

however, they do want you to come find them. they will not chase you or take any initiative or the lead. no sirree. that's on you, dominant woman of their dreams.

they are also 50 years of age. but hey, only 5 years older but up to 15 years younger is what they want.

oh, and the authoritarianism - that is uber important. but it's got to be authentic. it's got to be who you really are. none of this senseless trying to make your partner happy bs. nope. they want the real deal. and no inhibitions. don't ruin their fantaaaaasssyyyy.

and make sure, dominant woman of their dreams, make sure you live close to them b/c they can't possibly move or anything.

the thing is, i know women who meet pretty much that exact criteria except for the 'local' bit and have some inhibitions. i don't know a ton of people without any inhibitions. but yeah, i know women like that across canada, pretty much. well, no one in newfoundland or pei. or the northern territories. but certainly 8/10 provinces i can give you some names. but why would i?

you can want what you want...but will they want you?

if you want all of your dreams met, you gotta think about how you meet their dreams, too. and this particular negative nelly who likes to think that dominant women are like unicorn riding leprechauns - rare as the day is long - is not anyone's dream catch. their ideas are fixed; they're super negative; and it's all about them.

funnily enough, a dominant woman generally likes it to be all about her....

and maybe about you when they like you. until then, they are not hunting around for lazy arsed entitled s-types who expect the moon and stars to just arrive at their doorstep.

so you can want what you want, sunshine. but getting what you want requires effort, energy, and an attitude you don't seem to have. learn from this one's mistakes...or be doomed to repeat them. and that's just sad.

Jul 11, 2019