omg lesson#79: if your social anxiety is crippling you, you may be outta luck.

listen, i'm a patient person. i may not have social anxiety, but i get it's a thing. i have friends who try to explain it to me. and i know the extreme efforts they go to, in order to overcome that anxiety and go to events. some even take medication to do it. i am always so impressed that they show up, just to socialize, b/c that's the way to meet kinky people and potentially a partner. but there's still no guarantee and they still continue to get out there.

they do not whine endlessly about how a partner is not agreeing to meet them on their terms b/c of their social anxiety or shyness. b/c they understand life is not all about them.

what i keep hearing from so many submissive men is they will only, maybe consider an event, if they can for sure meet dommes only.

where the dommes at?

the most oft quoted reason for being so deliberate about the events they would attend? b/c 'anxiety/shy' and couldn't possibly go to events to meet kinky people of all types. if they are going to make the trek out, it needs to be for the dommes. anything else would be a waste of effort.

'i just want to meet a dominant woman...where can i do just that? and why won't they meet me one on one? that would make me way more comfortable. i can't deal with groups.'

#notallmalesubs. but i get this all the time.

it's just another way that these guys want a woman to cater to all their needs. and if they flake? get cold feet? can't carry on a bloody conversation even if i do agree to meet with them? it happens sooo much that sorry/not sorry, that no, just no. i'm all for meeting halfway. but if it has to be all your way....then i know of no dominant who will ever entertain that level of neediness from a stranger.

here's the deal: if your anxiety is so crippling, that you cannot go out to meet kinky people where they are at - whether it's a party, a workshop or a munch - and you're not willing to hire a pro, you may have to content yourself that you may never meet the dominant of your dreams or get to play.

and the world, the dominants of the world, the kinksters of the world, do not owe you sympathy or compassion b/c you've chosen to let your anxiety rule your life. 

that's on you. it's a harsh truth. but one that i wish more men would get into their heads. b/c if you navigate life and a job and school and all that...you were capable of managing your anxiety. you could do this, too. imho. 

but if you want to know the minimal stuff you can do...i did a lesson on how to get play when you are socially awkward. that's your road map. don't want to use the map? totally ok. wander aimlessly in the desert. maybe you'll find a domme out there like an oasis. chances are though, you'll die of thirst before that happens.

edit: i recently learned of this excellent online resource: succeed socially.

Feb 18, 2019