omg lesson#18: the mistakes male subs make staying online

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now i do wish i could take credit for this lesson but alas, no. this was a comment made by @RunningTheShow (on fetlife) which was so articulate and so spot on, i asked if she would consider making it a writing so i could post it as a helpful link. she invited me to use the comment, instead, as i wished. so full credit to her for the following:

many male subs come to fetlife thinking 'being online' takes the pressure off (meeting a domme).

if i could get one piece of information out there to male subs it would be this: a shockingly high percentage of you are really bad at online interaction. you gravitate to the scammers and fin dommes because they talk dirty to you just like the pornos do. then you cry about how there are no lifestyle dommes.

most of you seem totally unable to discern between a woman with compatible interests and a person who is scamming or selling sex. chasing every prostitute and pornographer account all over fet is a sign that you're in frenzy and not using your brain.

yet, you tell yourself that online is "easier" or "less stress" or whatever. so this loop starts of avoiding in person contact and only focusing on chat rooms/online communication. this is where your ability to separate the sheep from the goats is at its worst! in general, fin dommes, scammers and hookers don't attend munches. going to a munch [note, I didn't say play party or dungeon], is a great way to automatically filter out a huge number of the people you don't want to meet, and meet other kinksters.

munches are low pressure social gatherings where you can just meet other real kinksters. nobody is expecting protocol or service. just show up and be normal.

additionally, social skills are just that: skills. if you don't practice your math skills, foreign language skills, or your violin playing skills, they wither away. the same happens with your social skills. if you feel anxious talking to people, hiding away in your room on your computer with femdom porn in one tab and fetlife in the other tab will not improve your social skills. it will contribute to them breaking down even further. then you'll end up getting taken for a ride by a scammer again and again, becoming more and more bitter and socially inept. it's like a recipe for the creation of a sub incel.

other lessons that might be helpful to you related to her comment:

lesson#10: getting play when you are socially awkward

lesson#23: online conversations or 'playing catch'

lesson#24: 'how can i find the dominant of my dreams without any effort?'

lesson#100: how to find a domme on fetlife


Mar 24, 2020

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