omg lesson#5: how to be the bestest male submissive ever

i read a lot of posts from male s-types who are without a dominant but want to know what they can work on to be the best sub ever or to make them more attractive as a submissive to a female dom.

first off, forget about being the best submissive for every domme b/c that doesn't exist. every dominant is going to want different things from their subs. some will want sexual stuff. some will want anticipatory service. some will hate all of that. some will want pretty eye candy they can objectify. some will hate subs with beards. some will want a romantic partner. some will want just a play partner.

there is no one universal set of criteria that will make you please every domme.

and that's ok. instead, for today's lesson, i'd like to focus on you as a person and as a submissive. what can you do to be more attractive as a submissive partner? and here, i'm focusing on the partner bit b/c there are some things that every good partner should consider developing (if they aren't already working on them).

1. be a good communicator

i know this sounds so boring, right? and yet, over and over again, dominants talk about how we're not mind readers. first off, learn to listen. like really listen. don't dismiss. listen. it's such an important skill and if you're not listening, you're already fucking done.

secondly, we need you to use your words, effectively. when you communicate your needs and wants, don't word vomit your fantasies. that is not good communication. instead, think about being able to communicate who you are as a person. what makes you interesting? take the kink out and think about what makes you a great partner. learn to communicate that. and use what you've heard from her, to drive the conversation. to negotiate what you need/want. to address conflict and to set good boundaries.

2. be self reflective, realistic, and honest

i cannot stress how important it is to be honest with yourself and truly reflect on what it is you want. not what you think you might want cuz it looked hot in porn. what you really want in a partner of your own. and fuck, be honest. be honest with yourself and be honest with those prospective partners you're considering. the number one turn off i hear from dommes is subs who lie. don't fucking lie. doesn't mean you have to blurt all your shit in one go. remember being a 'good communicator?' yeah, you gotta combine these things. ok?

and be realistic. dominant women are just normal everyday women. if you want the fantasy, they can sometimes do the fantasy if that's their thing. but if you always want the fantasy and you never want to see the wizard behind the curtain...hire a pro domme and enjoy the short bursts of fantasy you want. everyday dominant women are just that - average, regular, imperfect, women.

and if you're not submissive and you just want to bottom for kinky play, be honest about that. not sure? lesson#85: how to figure out what i am just to play already?

3. think about the kind of dominant you want

• do you want an actual girlfriend/wife who you can submit to in a 24/7 relationship where she's the head of your household? then learn to get good at the kinds of things a dominant partner might want - housekeeping, cleaning, cooking, laundry and so on.
• do you want a play partner that you submit to occasionally for a scene here or there? then get really good at scene negotiation. get your own toys and build your bottom bag.
• do you want an actual girlfriend/wife who you just submit to in the bedroom? just b/c you both want d/s in the bedroom only, does not mean you're sexually compatible. and compatibility is important!

if you want to submit to a women's authority in a relationship and you want her to make decisions in certain areas, be clear in your mind what those areas are and how you need to build trust in order to give her the authority in those areas. then you'll be able to communicate them effectively. see how that works?

4. know what makes your ideal dominant

no, sparky, do not go in with the mindset that 'any domme will do'. fuck, that's the wrong way to think and you will fail. miserably.

also, do not go in with the mindset of i want the perfect 'porn domme' either. b/c again, you will fail miserably.

instead, think about the kinds of people you get along with best. the kinds of people you seem to be attracted to in multiple ways - physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually. are they slightly geeky? are they introverted or extroverted? do they love to laugh or do they tend to stay on the quiet side? are they homebodies or are they adventurous? what kind of partner would you get along with in general (and not just when you're playing?). b/c i promise you, d/s is not 24/7 kinky play. so be realistic.

and then craft your must haves and your nice to haves. your must haves might be: highly intelligent, creative homebody who likes sci fi, who is shorter than you and is height weight proportionate and btw the ages of 30-40 and lives local and she be into at least 50% of your kinky play stuff. your nice to haves might be that she has long hair, is into cosplay and likes all your kinky play stuff.

craft it, refine it as you do self reflection and get to know dominant women as just women. they might surprise you. you might surprise yourself. what you craft will keep evolving. but start crafting it. this is about who you think you'll be compatible with. we all need some elements of compatibility in order to have relationships with people. figure out what yours are.

5. keep educating yourself and learning about d/s

seriously, some of the fantasist bs i read out there makes me dismiss 90% of the male s-types, sight unseen. if you have no idea about dominance and submission and all of what you 'know' is from porn, you have a lot of remedial reading to do. and that's ok.

you're never too old to start. read non fiction. attend events and meet kinksters and learn how they run their d/s relationships. read the discussion boards on fet around femdom. expose yourself to the myriad of ways d/s can look and be optimized and pick and choose what you like best.

don't ask random women to teach you. this is about you and your own kinky journey. an educated sub is a universally attractive sub. get with the program.

my omg lesson catalogue has some great lessons for you to start with along with links to other good writings on the topic.

it really boils down to: what things can i learn, to please the sort of dominant partner i want?

and frankly, i would focus on being the bestest partner for someone you'd like. that's the best advice i can give you. and being the best partner requires that you work on yourself, which is great b/c you can do that even when you don't have a partner at the moment. and there's so many things you can do to develop yourself and make sure you are good at adulting in general.

develop good things in yourself....in order to attract a good partner to you :)

Dec 29, 2019