omg lesson#16: training is just a kink

you may have seen the questions and asks in various online groups: 'how do i train to be a good submissive?' or, the more ubiquitous, 'i'm looking for someone to train me to be a good submissive'.

now some of those men are sincerely asking. are genuinely clueless. have heard about some mythical training and are seeking help. some are straight out wankers but i'm going to ignore those and try to help the ones who don't actually know.

there is NO standard or recognized training program to be submissive.

'training' is just a kink. something fun and playful you and your partner can do. no kink shaming here. just a thing you might call a thing, to give it some more oomph. give it the right mental 'feel' that makes something seem 'hot' or 'arousing'.

'training' is not actually necessary to call yourself submissive. you didn't have to present a uni degree or certificate to select 'submissive' as an identifier did you? anyone can call themselves a submissive. how you discover that about yourself is not due to training. that's due to some self awareness, trying things out, and a little education that you can undertake yourself.

if you're on fetlife, the @The_Robot_Devil's 'so you think you're submissive' is a fantastic writing on determining what submission might mean to you and a good first step in determining if you're actually submissive. if you're not on fet, check out @Fern's 'domme chronicles' which is another online blog that talks about non fiction femdom. the pov is from one dominant's perspective but she has some good non fiction resources and goes into some depth about what submission actually is (vs kinky play which is fun but not submission per se). 

then determine what kind of submissive you are. 

• maybe you're just a bottom and didn't realize there was a difference? (see lesson#85)
• are you a bedroom only submissive? (see lesson#87)
• are you a submission fetishist? (see lesson#86)
• or are you a do me sub? hint: other names for do me subs are fuckbois, wankers, and a waste of time. hopefully, you're not one of those. but if you are, kindly leave us lifestyle dommes alone and pay for a pro. ok?

there are many many resources on fet to learn about the type of submission you're into, the kind of d/s relationship you might be looking for, and the right kind of dominant for you. you might even want to get into the wider community to play and learn about the things you like - a real life play partner or paying a pro domme can teach you a great deal. but how can you ever communicate with a potential domme to share what kind of submissive you are and how you might be compatible without doing the necessary work for yourself in discovering who you are?

awareness, honesty, and educating yourself about all this stuff is sexy.

trust me, most female dominants are not into 'training, teaching, fixing' men. they want fully functioning competent adults as partners. sure, some might be happy to playfully 'train' you to please her and serve her, but at the end of the day, she wants someone she likes, who shares compatible kinks, and who actually wants to submit to her in the ways she'd like to dominate them.

to be a 'good' submissive, means finding someone who you would be compatible with, who you genuinely like and want to spend time with and you know...actually want to submit to (see lesson#5 on how to be the bestest submissive ever). that doesn't mean every woman who calls herself a dominant. it's always about personal connection and liking each other first. then you get to know each other's kinks (hopefully they are compatible). and then the play. and maybe...some playful 'training'. but if you liked each other and agree to some form of consensual d/s, you're already a 'good' sub - for that dominant.

no two submissives, submit alike.

learning her preferences and likes...as you hope she'll do for yours, makes a good relationship. makes her a good dominant. makes you a good submissive. makes anyone a good partner. and that's what it really boils down to.

so stop with the 'seeking training' already! 

unless, you know, you're looking to be scam bait. or to make someone a very lucrative client. if you're actually submissive, you have everything in yourself to make someone compatible a 'good submissive'. you just maybe need to discover it for yourself in order to communicate it and advertise it. but advertising for 'training' first from some random dominant to take you on for free and teach you all about your own kink/sexual desires? yeah, wrong marketing strategy. completely and utterly wrong.

Mar 14, 2019