omg lesson#15: what's your risk profile?

first off, saying you have 'no limits' is stupid and will ensure that almost no one takes you seriously. lesson#14 helps you with this. however, there are predators, abusers and scammers who rather love when they hit upon someone who says this. b/c that just means they've 'got a live one'.

don't be that kind of fuckstick.

what we do is inherently risky. we can have significant impacts on our mental, physical and emotional health. and being blindly ignorant or pretending that isn't the case is just dumb. and tells me, that you're not ready for kink. b/c honestly, if you can't be self aware enough to have not only considered your risk profile but also understand what risks you're willing to take and not take means you should go back home and hide under the bed and contemplate why the fuck you have no sense of self preservation. or better yet, educate yourself so i don't have to think of you as a fuckstick. just sayin'...

b/c bdsm is not about destroying self.

it's about having fun. finding release. finding pleasure in the pain. finding amusement. finding joy. finding connection. finding catharsis. lots of things.

for some of us, it's all of that. for some of us, it's a little of this and a little of that. but ultimately, it's not about actually destroying a person. you might want to break some things down to build them back up. but you're still not destroying someone. imho.

and a part of avoiding destruction is being risk aware.

for me, the conversation about risks and safety is on par with the conversation about consent.

i am always assessing risk in play and with play partners - what i'm prepared to accept, mitigate, avoid. in business, we chart out risk and assess it on an ongoing way to determine liability and potential harm to an organization. in bdsm, i'm doing the same thing to determine my liability as a player and the potential harm i could be doing to a partner.

basically, you're reflecting on these 3 considerations:

• what are you comfortable with in terms of your personal safety?
• minimize the risks of how you want to play;
• prepare for the absolute worst.

bdsm has a few ways of considering and thinking of risk profiles:

1. SSC - safe, sane and consensual.

this one tends to be the one most people are familiar with and at first glance it makes sense. consent is right there in the title.

but safe and sane can be a bit problematic. i mean, some of the fucked up shit i think up to do wouldn't necessarily be considered all that sane. nor is it inherently 'safe'. i can try to make it as safe as possible but most of the play i engage in, comes with risks that i can't entirely mitigate. so ssc is great for some folks, and it gives many people a starting point. but it may not encompass your risk profile and how you may want to play.

2. RACK - risk aware consensual kink

this one is the profile i've gravitated towards in my kink journey. i like that it's about awareness of risk and it's got consent up front.

but it doesn't try to create the illusion of safety. it's about awareness which i like. it names 'risk' as something inherent in kink. and the idea of a 'rack' does inspire me for play, too :)

3. PRICK - personal-responsibility informed consensual kink

this one spells out that it's each person's responsibility to not only inform themselves but also engage equally in the risk for kink. and again, consent is right up front.

this one is also about awareness which is great. and taking personal responsibility and spells out how this is not all in the hands of the top/dominant. it's not my personal fave b/c it doesn't address the idea of being risk aware per se but again, it think this is personal preference.

4. CCC - committed compassionate consensual:

this one relies heavily on strong power exchange and trust of the top/dominant. consent is up front but this one is probably better for long term TPE (total power exchange) relationships.

this one was a new term to me and i have not heard it referred to as frequently as the ones indicated above. however, from what i've read, it's where only the 'unwanted' or 'undesired' activities are stated and the rest is left for the top/dominant to decide. this one i struggle to get my head around (and others do, too) but it is something that people may consider, particularly in long term consensual non consent arrangements.

so what's your risk profile?

this is something that i believe everyone ought to consider at the time of negotiations. at the time you want to play. at the time you want to engage in bdsm. so understand and reflect on what feels comfortable to you. these terms are just starting points to help you get familiar with what might work for you. don't just pick one and think you're done, ok?

and you may start with one and end up at another. and that's entirely ok, as well. but ask a potential partner what their risk profile is. and if they haven't considered it....it's a great time to think about what risks you're both comfortable with accepting, avoiding and mitigating and how you're going to do that.

play safe. and part of that is really about knowing what the risks are and addressing them. imho.

Nov 20, 2019