omg lesson#99: female led relationship - smg style...or what's mine is mine.

i was recently asked what i expected in an flr and i had to think about that one. b/c i have no idea what a typical flr looks like. and frankly, i'm not interested in a 'typical' flr. i just know what works for me and what i expect in my relationships.

so first off, i am an intense person. i love intensely and passionately. i don't hold back. it may take me a while to get there...i don't jump into things without careful consideration and assessing compatibility along with that sparky spark (the intangible factor). but once i love, i'm all in. and what's mine is mine. this is one place i. do. not. share.

i am also incredibly protective - don't fuck with my people - and i am supremely loyal. if you breach the inner sanctum of my heart, be prepared for a deep well of all the mushy feels. seriously.

b/c of the way i love, i think that translates into how i care about my partner - his heart, his health, his spirit, his needs and wants and desires. if i'm in charge...i'm kinda in charge of it all. my partner's happiness and well being is always going to be important to me and something i factor into any decision i make for us both.

i'm also not a hard-to-get-always-confusing kind of person. i'm clear about what i want and my expectations. not that i'm mean about it. i think you catch more flies with honey, frankly. but you don't have to guess what i want or need. i tell you. you will not have to try and read my mind. and if i haven't told you? just ask me. i'll give you a straight answer. i like simple. i like easy. and it's simplest and easiest for me to just tell you what i want, no?

sure, i'm selfish in that i want things my way. 

but my way usually means i've considered what he'll like and want; what will put a smile on his face; or sometimes, what he needs, even if he doesn't know he needs it just yet :) yes, i want control, authority, decision making power. all of those things. and i want it to be given freely by my partner. i don't want to wrest it from him.

and as for my partner? he's the other half of this equation. not a lesser being. not inferior. 

a full partner in my life. i choose strong confident men who are capable; who do amazing work in their field; who can keep up with me intellectually and physically; who keep their promises; who are thoughtful (or try to be); and who find security, comfort and joy in their submission to me. he's mine, all mine.

• they don't need to be micro-managed. 
• they are not dependent on me. 
• they don't need me. 
• they choose me. 
• they don't need me to be their willpower or some kind of mommy figure. 
• they choose to submit to me b/c they trust me to have their back and their best interests at heart.

there's a common trope of the domineering bitch and the pussy whipped husband. i hate that trope. 

that's not me. i love and adore my partner. i want him to adore and love me. i don't want him to be beaten down or have his soul crushed. i don't see him as some half formed human being i need to mould into my ideal man. if i've chosen him, i love him for who he is...and i likely know about his faults and flaws. and chances are, he knows about mine, too.

all of this doesn't stop us from trusting each other, loving each other and honouring the kind of relationship we decide we want for ourselves. we may want to make each other better - but that doesn't negate that we were pretty awesome to begin with. we can just always push each other to be better. did i also mention he's mine?

and yes, i'm a fucking sadist and like to do a bunch of kinky shit and i like tying up my partner and taking control in the bedroom and i like lots of sex...that's all part of my ideal flr, too:) but it's not the only part...

so i probably don't do it like everyone else does it. and i don't really care. 

really, i just care about one person's opinion when it comes to this stuff - and that's my partner. and before you say it's wishful thinking...i've had just about all of this. i've come close a couple of times. it's totally possible. imho. i remain hopeful....

Feb 15, 2019