omg lesson#63...oh why can't you be more like 'her'?

recently, i read in a thread a submissive man asking why women couldn't be more like another woman who seemed to describe his perfect idea of a domme. he posted, quite innocently, i think, 'why can't women be more like you?'

ahhh....can you imagine the responses he got? that women are not all designed to be his perfect dominant frankenstein built from all his porn fantasies and pro dommes he's known before. that women are individuals and there are no stepford dommes. so he could just. fuck. right. off.

i'm paraphrasing. but you get the gist.

it didn't go well for him. and he seemed really clueless about why he was getting so much flack for what he felt was a valid question.

we all know (or at least i hope we all do...) that people are not born or made into our ideal image or type. and they don't do things exactly as we'd wish all the time. and life would be boring if they were. b/c if every man or the vast majority of men were my type, chances are they wouldn't be anybody else's type. and i'm only one person. i don't need all the men (oh the stuff of fantasies!). i just need one or two. or maybe just enough for a comfortable stable. that's all, really...

and that individuality? that innate essence that makes us who we are and individual and strange and weird and wonderful? that's not only given us the diversity in genetics to survive for the long haul, it also means that none of us are, or act or think, exactly alike. more importantly, most of us want to be loved for who we are. not b/c we look or act like someone else that reminds you of someone more your 'type'. we don't even want to think we're a 'type'. we want to be validated and appreciated for who we are, as we are.

we don't want to hear we're interchangeable with someone else.

so when a man asks, 'why can't women be more like her?'' it doesn't make us feel special, or appreciated or validated for the person we are, the person we've become, the person we put out into the world. that question belies that we are somehow not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not sexy enough, not dominant enough, not something enough - that we're somehow lacking as a person....b/c we're not that someone else. or we could be anyone that fits your little sex doll type. 

i am not a fucking sex doll. want one of those? pay for it and leave me the fuck alone. 

i can completely appreciate that a man or woman might have the ideal partner in mind. or see a person, who may be unavailable to them, but seems to espouse their 'type' and wish there were more people like that unavailable person. i understand when you have an ideal dominant in your head of all that she'll be or all that she'll do.

but people aren't perfect.

we all compromise in some ways and still seem to find people to love, adore, and cherish. we pair up amazingly often enough that we don't need everyone to be 'like her'. and comparing people to some ideal you have in your head; or some ideal you feel is out there; you are unwittingly being unkind to the person right in front of you.

lucky for us all, the world has wondrous variety. we all have a chance of making a connection, of falling in love, of finding someone who 'gets us' and who makes us feel special. forget about the imaginary 'her' or the 'her' you are fixated on. you and i know, you don't want a blow up doll. stop chasing the fairytale in your head and pursue the real women, in all their glorious imperfections, that are in front of you. or you know, let her pursue you :)

Feb 7, 2019