omg lesson#62...why humiliation and degradation are on my off limits list

a lot of s-type men...i mean a lot of men, dig the whole humiliation and degradation kink. the 'worthless worm' tropes, the desire to be called a 'little bitch' or insulted and broken down with words is a common ask. so common, in fact, that i indulged a time or two when i first started out as a dominant.

but i knew i didn't much care for it. it really wasn't my thing. it didn't turn my buttons. but hey, i thought i wouldn't really enjoy beating men's asses with interesting toys either...and look how that turned out:) so, i thought i'd give it a shot.

and rationally, i understand that the 'right' humiliation or degradation titillates and works in a way that we can't always explain.

some people really really enjoy it. when you can find just the right words and the right tone and the right acts to just make it hot.

the problem is...that's not how i want to use my power.

it's not something i like. i've heard too much, i know too much, of the inner struggles of so many male subs. there's a pattern and a common refrain or shame. so even if i used the exact same words they wanted me to use and reacted positively to, i'd still feel like shit. it doesn't feel empowering to me. it just makes me feel rotten.

now don't get me wrong. i love me a little mental play and mind fuckery. i like to play with that delicate balance and have your mind wrapped around my little finger. that's awesome:)

but humiliation play and degradation play, in particular, neither turns me on nor does it seem fun or interesting in any way. i don't want to see it or participate in it. YKINMK and all that. although, for some people, it's really not any kind of big deal and so they don't understand why it's a limit for me.

but do you have to understand why it's a limit for it to be a limit?

i couldn't explain it to you. it just makes me feel bad. and i prefer to feel good and enjoy when i play. and so i choose the things that give me pleasure. put a smile on my face. make me happy.

that being said, many people think objectification falls under humiliation. but for me, i love telling a man he's 'pretty' or 'hot' and having him all dressed up for me. i will shamelessly objectify men all the live long day if they let me :) but that to me, is about making them feel good - wanted, appreciated, liked, etc. and so i struggle to see it as part of the same kind of play.

yes. i know. i'm weird. i get that a lot :)

one of the things i have been working on, is trying to let go of the idea that if i do something that feels humiliating to someone else and they like it and wanted it to be humiliating it's not icky. that's their thing not my thing. but i still wouldn't overtly pursue humiliation and certainly not degradation play. my poor subs are out of luck on that score....

i think, at the end of the day, there are 2 things for me:

1. that i like doing something to someone who consents; and 
2. i enjoy the reactions of the something i'm doing to the person who's consented. if i don't have those two things, it's not fun anymore and why would i bother?

maybe i shouldn't have to explain my limits to anyone. perhaps people could simply not ask 'why' and just respect that it's not my thing and not much about them at all?

Feb 23, 2019